SuperCorp// No more Secrets

Since U Been Gone

"Since you been gone

Since you been gone

Since you been gone"

"I can live each day without you, I can even become a great success, I think. I find happiness in simple things, yet I miss your caress. I miss the timbre of your voice and the solid sense of your soul. I miss the strength of your embrace and those sweet whispers in my ear. And so as the days stretch out with you still over there, I settle into the rhythm of time: sunsets and sunrise, and yet, I still long for you to come back"  The Luthor had been writing in her daily journal, it was her way of communicating with her lost lover.

"Where did you go, my love?
Where did you go?
There's this girl,
Who walks,
And talks,
Just like you,
But it's not you.
It's like she got your skin,
And wears it,
Like her own,
But it's not hers.
That skin belongs to a girl I love,
On her it is beautiful,
And soft,
And warm,
No longer.

The skin is ashen,

The smile I love,
Gone,
The protection,
Gone,
Just attacking and cold.
And so,
I feel like a widow,
One with no funeral,
To go to,
To mourn at,
To express my grief...
For the woman who wears your skin,
I wish her love,
Long life,
Happiness,
Whoever she is,
Because she looks so much,
Like the one I love,
And even that shadow,
I love more,
Than most ever love,
In a lifetime.

But she's only a figment of my imagination

She's not the real you, my love

I wish it were

But it's not

Wherever you are, come home

Come home to me"

She kept on writing, talking to her, her who was gone. Gone where no one knew, someplace she couldn't be found.

"And all you'd ever hear me say

Is how I pictured me with you

That's all you'd ever hear me say"

Days passed, weeks went by, months went on, and not a word from her.  She hadn't been seen anywhere, no one knew where to find her. The DEO had tried to locate her and failed, Lena tried, but even with her intelligence, she couldn't find her. 

To say she was miserable was being generous. She was cold. Empty.

She went to work every day as nothing had changed. All her investors' meetings had been postponed. "I'll call them back when I want to" she had said to Eve. She went to board meetings like usual but her concentration was elsewhere. Her mind was far away from her body. "Yeah sure, do whatever you want" she answered when she had been asked in a board meeting. 

She was disconnected from everything and everyone.

She knew she screwed up. Big time. She regretted it. All of it.

But how could she fix it?

Kara was gone and she didn't know if she was ever coming back. She hoped she would. 

She loved her, that was one thing in her life that she was one hundred per cent sure of. And she would do anything to protect her. Anything. Even sleep with William. 

She loved her that she let herself be used by a snake. The snake. William Dey. 

That's how much she loved her. 

Not telling her what had been happening was stupid, she knew that. They had promised, no more secrets. To never lie to each other, but she had kept the truth from her. 

The worst part is that she did the exact same thing Kara had done to her when she didn't tell her she was Kara Zor El. She knew how that felt. Being lied to by the love of your life. She knew the feeling very well, yet she had done it.

She hated herself for it. 

"Everday that passes I seem to miss you more. I miss our little chats and you knocking at my door. I miss the way you laugh, the way you smile. I would give anything to have you back because life seems so empty without you. It's not the same, your smile and your laugh always radiating warmth is missing. I know we all screwed up. I screwed up by not telling you about everything and baby you don't know how sorry I am. I want to fix it. I want to make it up to you. But you're not here, where are you? where did you go? are you okay? are you safe?" she had been writing one night when she couldn't sleep, her mind wouldn't let. 

Not knowing whether the woman she loved was okay and safe was tearing her apart. She knew she was strong and could handle herself but she was heartbroken, which was worst because she had been through so much in the past year that she feared she couldn't take care of herself. To make it even worst, her heart was in a million pieces because the love of her life took it and broke in two. It was not just a heartbreak, it was more than that. It went beyond that. The Luthor knew that.

"She'll come back" Alex had said one night. 

"Is that what you keep telling yourself?" Lena had responded, she hated the fact that everyone thought that Kara would come back, false hope she had thought. Alex wasn't offended by the Luthor's statement, she knew Lena was hurting and terrified like she was. Not knowing where her little sister was, petrified her. And yes, she had screwed up as well. 

"Partly yes, but I know she'll come back Lena, she has to" Alex had said

"You don't know that" the Luthor had shot back with a little emotion

"She loves you more than you know Lena. Nothing you do will ever drive her away. She just needs time to process everything. We all hid the truth from her. But I know she'll come back to us." The Danvers had stated with so much hope in her words, you could tell she was still holding on, holding to hope. Hope that her sister would eventually come home. 

"Let's hope you're right" Lena had said as she walked away

"My sweet Kara, I went to your apartment today, a part of me hoped that I'd walk in and find you eating potstickers or in bed watching Jane the Virgin, I know it's stupid but....I don't know, I guess I just miss you. I slept in your bed and I found myself falling asleep. It was the first time I've had a long night sleep without nightmares or turning and tossing all night. Your scent calmed me, is it weird that I took your hoodie? maybe. Maybe I'm just crazy about you. I hugged your pillow all night and woke up with it in the morning, again a part of me hoped it was you. I wish I knew where you are my love, I'd come to find you. P.S. I Love you." she had written after sleeping in Kara's apartment.

"Since you been gone

Since you been gone

Since you been gone"

"Since you've been gone, I've been a wreck" Her last sentence on her third journal since Kara had left.

Since she had been gone, she had been falling apart.