more than the past ➶ natsuri [ddlc]

★ chapter 11

The locker room door opened, and Katsuo walked in. Sweat dripped from his forehead. He headed straight to his locker and rummaged through his bag to find his phone. Natsuki silenced her breathing from inside the locker as Katsuo got closer and closer to her.

"Why can't I find my phone?" Katsuo mumbled to himself. His name was being yelled from outside the locker room.

"Why aren't you out there?" the coach asked.

"Sorry, sir. I came in here to check my phone, but I can't seem to find it."

"Your phone is not as important as the big game tonight. Get your ass back out there."

"Yes, sir."

She listened as the door opened and closed, signaling she was once again alone in the locker room. She cautiously climbed out of the locker with a sigh of relief. Her chest heaved with deep, careful breaths. The smell inside that locker was definitely something she would like to forget.

She slipped the phone back into his bag just as the door opened once again.

"How the hell didn't you get caught?" Monika whisper-yelled. 

"Perks of being small!" Sayori said, patting the top of Natsuki's head.

"Oh, fuck off," Natsuki grumbled.

"Did you find anything?" The strawberry blonde questioned.

"Nothing. He really is the perfect guy," Natsuki said with defeat.

Sayori enveloped her friend in a tight hug. "I'm sorry you couldn't find anything, Na-chan."

"I am too," Monika said sincerely before scrunching up her nose. "Can we please go now? It smells like armpit in here."

Natsuki shrugged.

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Yuri sat at her desk, her nose buried in a book. Lately, she had wanted to continue her horror novel, but she couldn't seem to focus on it. She kept missing out on major plot points. Every word blurred together as her mind began to wander.

Katsuo left chocolates at her desk that morning.

He was so incredibly sweet, but why didn't she feel anything when she kissed him? It was the same each and every time.

"Can we talk really quickly, Tanaka-san?"

"Of course, what can I help you with?" Yuri chuckled to herself. She still had to get used to her new last name. She glanced over at her new stepsister with a bright smile.

Monika blushed and turned away.

"I-I like you!" the boy said. He was conventionally attractive, but Yuri frowned.

She looked down at her feet before shaking her head. She bowed quickly, as she prayed for words to come to her. "I'm sorry."

"Ta-"

"I cannot accept." Yuri folded her hands with a warm smile. "I'm not interested in dating anybody right now."

"Is it because I'm not good enough?" His eyes brimmed with tears. He shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to blink away the water pooling in his eyes.

"No, that's not it," Yuri said. "No matter who confesses to me, I cannot accept."

He felt better after hearing her say this, but he wouldn't dare tell her. Instead, he nodded stiffly and walked away, throwing his gift for Yuri into the trash.

~

Not a month passed when she received another confession.

"Tanaka-san."

Both Yuri and Monika turned around at the words. "I'm sorry, which of us are you referring to?"

The girl, only a first year, shakily gestured to Yuri. Monika gave her a small glare before retreating to her friends. 

"Do you need something?" Yuri asked warmly. She smiled a bright smile as a small cherry blossom petal fell and landed between them.

The short girl stammered, "Senpai, you are the kindest person I have ever met. When I saw you for the first time, I knew immediately that I love you!" The small girl's eyes were tightly shut, as if she was afraid that when she opened her eyes that Yuri would be gone. "I am in love with you!" she repeated.

Yuri placed a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "Is that so?"

Could her inability to feel anything when somebody confessed to her pertain only to men? Was there a possibility she would feel something since it was a girl who confessed?

"Please, if you would, kiss me!" the tiny first-year said boldly.

"We should go somewhere more private. I'm not interested in kissing anybody in the middle of the courtyard," Yuri said quietly. 

"I know a place, senpai. Please follow me!" the girl said. As she led Yuri into the school, butterflies began to make their way around her stomach.

They entered an empty classroom. The only sound that was in that room was the ticking of a clock.

Yuri took the girl's face in her hands gently. She felt like if she touched the girl too hastily, she would simply shatter. She gently leaned down and pressed a kiss to the girl's lips.

To the girl, the kiss was everything she had hoped, everything she had dreamed of. Years of reading manga led up to this very moment, where she would finally receive her happy moment.

As you may have guessed, Yuri's experience was slightly different.

Yuri straightened back up as she looked down at the small first year. She felt nothing during that kiss either.

Mentally, she crossed being a lesbian off her list. She had thought, hoped even, that the reason she felt nothing was because she was only attracted to girls. But that wasn't the case.

"Can we date?" The girl asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry. I cannot date you." Yuri looked out the window at the people in the courtyard. There were couples holding hands and walking the grounds. There were best friends laughing and talking. There were even people simply sitting around reading or studying. Everyone looked like they had a purpose.

Yuri couldn't help but wonder if she was really cut out for life. She couldn't help but wonder if she was broken.

_

_

Like that, there had been someone new every week or so. A confession that led to tears for one party, but never for the other. Would pretending to like Katsuo really be okay for her? Would she grow to have feelings for him? Or would she continue being stuck in an endless loop of feeling nothing?

She sighed and put her book away, only to make eye contact with Natsuki. The pink hair girl's face turned red, but Yuri didn't have a chance to see. Natsuki had turned away too quickly. But if she hadn't, however, then perhaps Yuri would have seen. Perhaps Yuri would have noticed the way everybody stared at her. Perhaps Yuri would see that whispers follow her everywhere she went. One extra second spent locking eyes with Natsuki could have caused her to remember. Perhaps that extra second would have taken her back years ago. Then maybe Natsuki wouldn't have to be the only one who remembered.

But alas, real life is not like Natsuki's favorite mangas. No, life was much harder.

Because if life was like Natsuki's manga, then she would've gotten Yuri by now. She wondered to herself, If Yuri remembered me, would she still be so kind to me? Would she still want to spent time with me? Or would she still want to leave me?