i got home after paractice, the pill was still in effect, and i came home with the meat and curry buns for me and mom, since dads off on buisness. my mom was making pasta tonight for dinner. "im home!" i call out.
"nishi! now was today?"
"pretty good. only 11 petals. 6 during lunch and 5 in the morning. no blood."
"hey nishi?"
"yeah mom?"
"were gonna talk about this during dinner okay?"
"alright."
"kay. now leave some of the meatbuns here for me, and go do your homework."
"alright." i give her a curry bun, and a pork bun, we both get one of each. i go up to my room, and do a tiny bit of homework. i layed down on my bed, and scrolled through my phone. i was thinking of asahi of course. when dinner was done, my mom called me down. i sat at the table across from my mom. it was an akward silence as we started to eat, and them she spoke.
"nishi..." i look up at her. she has a concerned look on her face. i hate making my mom scared. "i want you to get the surgery." my eyes go wide. "and before you speak just let me tell you why! okay?" i nod, letting her go on. "listen, when i was in labor, i hemorrhaged. badly. the doctors were able to save you, but they had to remove my uterus." i nod, but this is new to me. my mom never brought this up. "i cant have anymore kids nishinoya." im suprised. my mom almost never used my real name. "your all i have, and i dont know how i could live with myself if you died." my mom was sobbing. "please. get the surgery."
i stood up, and go over to my mom, hugging her.
"listen mom, i know that, but if i get the surgery, i wont feel love again. and a world where i cant feel love? well, thats just world i dont want to be a part of. i plan on confessing. if he dosent like me back, im letting myself die. i dont want to-"
"then get the surgery! you can live nishinoya! if its not returned you can still live!" she said holding my face. i put my hands on hers.
"mom, if i got the surgery, it wouldent be living, it would be surviving. there would be so much i wouldent be able to do. and i would be depressed, because i couldent feel love, and id end up killing myself eventualy, because of that. id rather live than just survive. i dont want to die, but its going to happen. i know. im going to be leaving so much behind me, you, dad, my friends, my team, and all of the things i love, im going to be leaving behind my bro. but i cant live without love. okay? dont worry though, cuz ill watch over you." im in tears by now too. theres so much i wouldent be able to do if i died. but, im okay with that. because its from asahi. and ill accept anything i get from him.
me and my mom, curl up together on the couch and watch movies with some hot chocolate. our minds are jumbled up, and we're still for the most part, crying.
i dont wanna lose everything. and if im being honest, im not just scared.
im fucking TERRIFIED.
YOU ARE READING
bloody purple roses (asanoya)
Fanfictionnoya always thought nothing of how his heart always raced around asahi. but when he realized he was in love, he thought he wasn't good enough for him. soon enough he developed hanaki. just his luck asahis favorite flowers are purple roses! will asah...
