You can't Outrun the Truth

The First Day

For the sake of the story, Jill Roord was playing with Arsenal in 2018. I don't speak dutch so the dutch is translated using google translate so it may be incorrect, I put the english underneath it. The english is formatted weird and I don't know why so sorry for that. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!

I woke up to the sun streaming through the windows. I rolled over to look at my clock and saw it was 8 in the morning. I was debating weather or not I should get up when someone knocked on my door.

"Yeah?" I asked groggily. Beth opened the door and poked her head in.

"Good Morning London!"

"Yeah, morning Beth." I responded tiredly.

"Come to the kitchen whenever, Daan is making hagelslag for breakfast." That caught my attention, I hadn't had that in ages. I got dressed in a sweater and leggings before heading to the kitchen.

"Good morning Jill and Daan." I said sitting down at the table.

"Good morning London, do you want any hagelslag?" Daan asked.

"Sure," I said and I thanked her as she handed me a piece.

"Are you ready for your first training today?" Jill asked.

"Um, yeah, I am." I told them, trying to convince myself as well. I finished my breakfast and anxiously checked my phone. I didn't know when they would find out and I wanted to prepare myself before hand.

"Everything okay?" Daan asked me.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah! Everything's fine. When's training again?"

"It's at one, so we have some time." She informed me. I nodded and set my phone down to take my mind off of it. 

We hung out around the flat until around noon when we all started to get ready for training. Joe had sent training gear with my number on it which was 28. I got changed putting the training jacket on as well. I put my hair into two french braids with orange hair ties. Almost every part of my soccer look was about my cousin. She was the one who kept me grounded and I owed her my  life. I checked my bag to make sure I had everything then tossed my phone into my bag. I went out to the sitting room and put my bag on the floor while I waited for everyone else. Jill came out next and sat next to me.

"So, how long are you on loan to Arsenal?" She asked.

"Through the year, but I'm not signing with the Spirit again." I told her. 

"Do you think you will sign with Arsenal?" 

"I don't know. Depends on the rest of the year I guess." She nodded and Beth sat down with us while we waited for Daan. 

"This may take a while, Daan uses every spare minute." Beth informed me. I nodded and my thoughts took over. 

You're not good enough for this. They will just force you to come back. Jack isn't here, she can't protect you from them. She doesn't know, Rose does. Everyone else does, they didn't care about you-

"London? London? Are you okay?" I was taken from my thoughts by Jill who was kneeling in front of me concern on her face.

(TW: Panic Attack)

"Yeah, sorry." I said brushing it off. "I'll be right back." I told them going to my room. I locked the door and took out the picture of me and Jack. I started having a panic attack and felt it building up. I tried the breathing exercises I knew but nothing worked this time. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. I tried to remember where my phone was to call Jack, then I remembered it was in my bag. I took a deep breath in and tried to remind myself I was in London. Away from them. 

"London? Everything okay?" One of the girls asked. I took another deep breath and started to get my breathing back under control. 

"Y-yeah, everything's fine." I said as my breathing continued to return back to normal. I put the picture away and looked in the mirror. You couldn't tell I had had a panic attack so I went back out.