Coffee & Commentary

Entangled and Enigmatic

March 1989

I ran through the corridor at top speed. I hated what I had done. I've done a lot of stupid and dangerous things, but I had never done anything so heartless. I had never felt worse. My eyes were clouded with tears and I didn't see the student in the hall in front of me. I crashed into a young Hufflepuff. That's when the tears couldn't be held back.

 "Oi, do you need help?" she looked more concerned for me than she was for her own scraped knee. I gathered my things and hers and got us both to our feet. She noted my robes and took my arm. "C'mon, dear. Let's get you home." She lead me to the door of the Ravenclaw common room down the corridor. I slumped on the large couch across from the fireplace and let the tears keep flowing. I wanted to make it into my dormitory before I cried, but there was no stopping the tears.

"Rising Star? Hey, there... what's the matter?" I felt a hand on my back as the familiar voice warmed my heart. "B... Bar...Barnaby!" I sobbed into the arm of the sofa, not even looking up at Murphy as I wailed. Murphy exhaled sharply as he pulled his hand away from me. "What did he do? Where is he? I'll clobber him! I swear it!" he fumed. 

I grabbed his wrist as he turned to the door. "Murphy, no! He doesn't deserve a physical beating after the emotional one I just gave him. I'm crying because I hurt him so badly. I didn't think he would take it that way. I broke his heart. What have I done?" I continued to sob.

 He rested his hand on my back once again. "And your heart, KC? How's it doing?" he lifted my chin to make direct eye contact. I knew there was no way to lie to him. 

"I hated hurting him. I hate myself for hurting him. My heart is hurting, but I really just feel relief. I'll be ok. I promise I  will." I knew I wasn't going to be ok tonight. 

"Well, KC... if you are sure you will be fine, I have a few things to do. Are you sure you are ok alone for a while?" I nodded but couldn't speak. I watched him as he rolled away. I wanted him to stay. Nothing had ever given me as much comfort as Murphy's presence. I flopped back over onto the sofa and kept crying. I wished I would have just asked him to stay.

 Just minutes later, I felt the same strong hand on my back. "KC?" he whispered. I shot back up to turn and face him. He had a basket of chocolate frogs in his lap. He set the frogs on the table in front of me and dabbed a cool wet cloth to my cheek. 

"Hey now, Katriona Cassiopeia: Rising Star. Let's dry those tears. Tell me everything." He wheeled around to face me. I nodded as I opened a chocolate frog. I slid over to create more space for him at my side. He took the invitation and transferred next to me. I spread the blanket over us both and kicked my legs up to rest on his lap. I had never been so comfortable with anyone. I smiled for the first time in a long time. He took note of that as well.  "You're crying, but it's the happiest you've looked in a year and a half. Tell me what's going on, KC?"

I took a deep breath. "He's spending the summer working with creatures in Romania. He wanted me to go with him for a week. He was talking about us being apart and how he couldn't handle a summer without being close. He offered me his favorite silver ring to wear while he was away. It was all too fast. He was always moving too fast. He could be with any witch here and they would be happy to move as fast as he wants to. I see how girls look at him. I know he will have no trouble finding the witch who wants to wear his ring, move to Romania, and give him the 9 children he says he would like to have someday.  He wants to care for people and creatures and children and everyone and everything." I knew I was rambling. I sucked in a big breath and let it out with a shudder. I continued, "That's not the life I want. I want to really fall in love. Not just date someone until it is time to start a life that doesn't suit me. That's what would have happened if I didn't break his heart. I needed to. He thinks I'm terrible, but I did him a favor. Now he can find someone who truly loves him. I have love for him, don't get me wrong. I just..." a sob escaped me before I could finish. Murphy's hand reached the back of my neck and gave it a squeeze. The tension in my shoulders faded.