Ask Me If I Am Fine | pansmione, drarry | completed

~chapter 3: Granger~

Pansy

The entire room is silent, no one makes any attempt to break it. We are all too absorbed in our own thoughts.

How is it possible for Draco and I to kill Dumbledore when the master himself wasn't able to?

The Dark Lord doesn't count on us to kill Dumbledore...this is just a punishment for our family's faults.

"Draco and Narcissa, you both come to the Parkinson Mansion tomorrow and we will discuss what to do." Mother finally says, her voice strong but I know she is panicking.

"Of course," replies Narcissa Malfoy, almost relieved to put this matter off until tomorrow, " we will come, and then we could go to the Diagon Alley together. It is almost the start of a new term."

Without another word, my mother grabs my arm and in moments we are back in the Parkinson Mansion.

Once in the foyer, my mother turns to me and said: "We all know why the Dark Lord chose you and Draco for this task. And if you succeed you will be honored above all others and I want you to do anything and everything in order to succeed. Do you understand me?" 

"Yes, mother," I say as she walks up the grand staircase and then mother turns around and almost as an afterthought and says:    

"Oh, Pans? Lay off those desserts for a while, you are getting too heavy for a Parkinson."

                                                                       -----

Back in my room, I sat down at my vanity and finally let down my fake smile. Of course, I will never be enough. 

Parkinsons are supposed to be perfect, skinny, get outstandings on all homework and exams. On the outside, everything seems to be in place, I received ten outstandings on the O.W.L exams, I didn't indulge in desserts at Hogwarts. I want a treacle tart. Come to think of it, I haven't eaten dessert in years. Every time I see Ronald Weasley, Potter, and that mudblood Hermione Granger eating together I-. Never mind.  

"NO." I think to myself, I'm not skinny enough, once I am skinny enough for mother I will eat all the desserts I want. Then I got out my friend and tormentor, the scale. 

The number is not low enough yet, I shouldn't have eaten that green apple Draco offered me, I shouldn't have given in and had that butterbeer. They're all pointless calories. No one knows about my struggles with food, and I don't ever intend on anyone knowing. Now that I have the task that the Dark Lord had given me, I won't have time to think about food again. 

Smiling, I put the scale away and go to sit at my window seat, looking at the dark forest and slowly I drift away into a restless sleep dreaming about killing Dumbledore by choking him with treacle tarts.

                                          ------The next day

The birds' chirping woke me, I check the time on my serpent watch.

"It is 8:00 am already? Draco and Mrs.Malfoy will be here in two hours." I think to myself.

As usual, I got up, took off all my clothing, and go to stand in front of my mirror. Not there yet. Then I got dressed in a black sweater, black jeans with a silver belt. My typical look. After getting ready I sit down at my desk and start to take notes on the history of wizard money exchange. If Blaise Zabini saw me right now, he would definitely laugh at me and say how I am "pulling a Granger".

I wonder what Granger is doing right now? Burying her face into books like me? Except she actually likes to study. I just do it to avoid punishment from mother and father. No. I shake my head. I shouldn't care about what Granger is doing, a Parkinson shouldn't think about mudblood like her.

But there's something about Hermi-----I mean Granger that just intrigues me. She seems so...nice and her smile; I want her to smile at me the way she smiles at her friends. She did smile at me when we were both in our first years, before the sorting ceremony. I sat in the same boat as Granger on the way to Hogwarts, and she held out her hand for me to shake and introduced herself. I shook her warm hand with my freezing cold one, she didn't take her hand away but instead offered me a hand warmer. 

"Here, take this, don't get a cold before the first day of school," Granger said. I thanked her and then we began talking about Hogwarts; we both knew a lot about the school since she likes reading (she told me ) and I was forced to read. Then she asked me about what House I think I am going to be in. For some reason, I lied and told her, "Probably Ravenclaw." I didn't want to say that my whole family is in Slytherin. We chatted nonstop until Professor McGonagall shushed us and told us to line up in twos and get sorted. Entering the Great Hall, Granger held my hand and we held hands until my name was called and surprise surprise I was sorted into Slytherin. She to Gryffindor. As I sat between Draco and Blaise I couldn't keep my eyes off of Granger. I didn't listen to anything my fellow Slytherin said to me that night. I ignored Draco's rants about Potter. To Granger, I was probably just a stranger that she met on the way to Hogwarts, but to me, Granger holding my hand means everything to me. I thought Granger and I could be friends, but that night in the Slytherin dorm father sent a letter to me, reminding me to be the best in my year and don't disappoint the family name by befriending any mudbloods, especially Gryffindor mudbloods. It was as if father knew about Granger and me. If I disobey father, it would not end well for Granger and me, so from that day on, I started to taunt Granger as a way to protect her and also befriended Zabini, Malfoy, Tracey and gradually became the leader of the Slytherin girl gang. Granger did try to befriend me multiple times during the first year, but I always sneered and embarrassed her in front of everyone. 

I regretted it a lot.

But I never forgot Granger's act of kindness, even when I was forcibly recruited to the Death Eater ranks.

"Pansy! The Malfoys are here!" Mother yells from downstairs.

I snap back from the memory, then put on my signature smile and go downstairs to plot Dumbledore's murder.