Selenophilia

Twenty Nine

"Hey."

Marielle turned around and saw Elise whose got a shawl wrapped around her.

Marielle snorted. "You look like an old woman."

Instead of laughing, Elise's face was sculpted in a worried look. "Why are you up, Mari?" Her tone was gentle and soft. And unreadable.

Marielle raises an amused brow. "What's with the nickname?"

Elise didn't look amused though as she still looked at her in worry. "What's wrong?"

Marielle sighed. She knew she wouldn't get passed the little girl with how observant she was.

"I just missed a person."

Elise's tried not to get her heart beating with how fear spreaded throughout her entire body like a flame that would engulf her whole.

Breathing slowly, she waited for Mari to continue. Or if she will continue with how she missed the person.

She did.

Like Elise had expected her to do. She continued because that's what people do. They talk about the people they loved.

"I hated her at first, you know? She was... She was too kind despite our pushes and angry retorts. She didn't give up. She didn't just cry there and left us like dirt. She built something in our hearts with careful steps like we were fragile to her. She loved us. Too much and I hated it. I hate her because she loved us so much and I couldn't give her as much as she gave and that bastard was fine with that. I hated her for leaving. For leaving us. We would have been happy."

Elise listened, joyous that she didn't sit next to Marielle because Marielle would probably hear her heart shattering at her words. How painful it was to hear her say it.

How about Elise?

Had Elise built something in their hearts that is strong enough to never get broken down? Had she built anything at all all this time?

Was she even worth it?

Elise gulped to hide the acidic feeling at the back of her throat. "I know that feeling. If you hated someone that much with that kind of reason then it means that you love them so much."

She knew that feeling very, very much.

Marielle sighed, leaning back with a longing look in her eyes. "Please don't say something like that. You don't know what I'm saying."

If Elise told you that her words didn't hurt then that would be a lie.

It hurts.

So much, it hurts.

Like a burning feeling that she couldn't find had rested inside her body, torturing her until she breaks apart once again. Doing it again and again until the day she dies.

Death.

Wouldn't it be better if she had just died? What if this person comes back? Would they leave her alone? Would they throw Elise away now that she was a second runner? Like some trash. Some unusable trash. Would they do that to her? To Elise who had been at peace with them? Her family. Her very own family.

"I do." She didn't expect her words to be sharp and firm. "I do know that. I felt that when I lost my parents. I lost them when I was six. I could remember those moments like it was only yesterday."

The rainy weather, the dull feeling inside her chest. The tears that didn't stop. The feeling of loneliness and sadness overwhelming her from head to toe.