Out there

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They all say I should go out there and blossom,
They are convinced I  should go out there and burst,
Out there? What if I never find 'out there,'
What if 'out there' is a hoax,
What if there was never 'out there' for me.

Those who are lucky find their 'out there',
They become someone fabulous and polished.
And everybody falls in love with them.
Some like me are not so lucky ,
Even  when it comes to finding my my place in this chaotic world,
I am a late broomer .( And it's okay)

I smile at 'Out there'  and she ghosts me.
So I chase her , with all the strength I got,
I crush in the process .
Constant disappointments make me lose myself.
Sometimes  I may not be  so lucky, Desperation almost becomes my end.
If you look even closer, 
You will see how fast I almost fade.

At one point I meet people who promise to hold my hand,
Humans with a mind of their own I forget.
Some listen to please me,
Others  just to be polite.
A few to repay old favours done to them by my old man.
Eventually they leave me drowning. ( see people failed you all over again).

I manage to stand eventually but down there almost felt damn good.
Then one day,
My moment comes, mine.
That moment that holds the power to create my infinite 'out there',
Finally somewhere I belong,
Somewhere I can blossom.
I will do it scared
Because to be honest I am.
It might be slow,
Steady but sure.
Read my pages patiently.
Unrush me please.

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