FANTASY | NCT-WAYV

Now that you're gone || Xiaojun

Plot: Regrets only come now that you're gone...

Words: 3,4k

I'm in my feels these days, I feel like writing angst,

So here's an angsty smut for those who like that style!

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"Are you sure that's really what you want?" I do my best to look detached from the situation but my heart is breaking into million pieces inside,

"I already accepted the job. Don't worry I talked to Eli, you know he's clever enough to understand those things, he's 6 already" the discussion is calm.

On this spring night, Xiaojun and me are sitting around my small dining table, a cup of coffee for him, and a glass of wine for me,

"It's a big opportunity for my career, I can't miss that" my throat is knotted, words come out my mouth painfully,

"Of course Xiaojun, I know that. I'm just worried for our son, I just hope that he'll be able to adapt without you" my hands wrap around my glass and create condensation because of how much I sweat.

I'm nervous, and it's totally understandable,

"It's a big decision I took, but I trust you with the education of our son. You always do it alone even when I'm in town" a broken smile shows on my face.

Because of his hectic schedule, Xiaojun is never able to spend time with Eli, but I can't blame him for that,

"It's true that I do the most for him, but I guarantee you you're Eli's icon. Last time he said that he wants to be just like you in the future" I see him smile at this.

The simple mention of our son's name can make him feel happy, even in a shitty day,

"I know I'm not the best father, but I'll do my best to make him proud. You know I won't be able to come back, but he can still come visit me in Italy" he tries to lighten the mood, finding solutions for our son.

'You know I won't be able to come back' this sentence alone is killing me.

I can't even look him in the eyes or I'm scared to break down in tears,

"At least that'll make him travel" I look at his travel bag, at his feet, and I can't help but think about his other luggages, waiting for him in his car.

Tonight, my ex husband is about to leave Korea to pursue his dream, our dream in Italy.

The decision was quite sudden, the employer didn't give him a lot of time to think.

It all happened in two weeks, I had to get used to the idea that the father of my son is going to leave me alone.

It's only tonight that I realize though.

Tears brim my eyes and I see him getting a little concerned, I exhale a lot, trying to laugh it out,

"Don't worry, it's just weird for me. I'm nostalgic you know" Xiaojun takes my hand and holds it tightly in his, while my other hand wipes my tears.

I force a smile on my face to not appear vulnerable,

"Even in this kind of situation you want to appear strong" he too, laughs it off but I know it's a real issue he's talking about,

"I'm sorry, I think I have a lot of things to say, but they just don't come out now" he looks worriedly at me,

"What if you stopped talking on behalf on our son and admit what you really feel about my departure" I look away, taking a big sip of the wine while my sweaty, shaking hand is still in his,