Under The Mistletoe

7| Pretend

Chapter 7: Pretend (Hope's POV)

While I was 'sleeping' Blake was looking around my room. I figured out pretty quickly that he hasn't been in here since I left and he's taking it all in once again. 

He walked over to the right side of my bed, where I was. It's also where I have a completely blank wall, so I used that and always have to stick photos up on there. When I came back, I had a lot from New York. I made some great friends there and I'm still in touch with most of them. It's sad to know that it'll fade out and we won't stay in touch forever, no friends do, only a few. But they were really nice people. 

He glanced over and I continued to pretend. Closing my eyes and acting like I was asleep. I can't fake-sleep for shit. He's gonna know. Blake out of people will know. After a while, I squinted one eye open and saw him looking at the pictures again. I can't fake sleep any more than this. 

I sighed, sitting up but staying in bed. He didn't even glance at me, so clearly, he knew I was awake. "What pictures are you looking at?" I asked. He continued to ignore me. I rolled my eyes and stood up, standing beside him and following his gaze to the photos. He's staring at one from New York. 

I was standing with my friends, wearing the uniform. Which I'd come to hate. We were all grinning at the camera as we should and we all had our arms around each other and I also had James kissing my cheek. James is not an ex. He's an almost ex though. 

I felt really guilty for saying no to him because he was a sweetheart but I wasn't in the right place to be dating someone. We stayed friends after that and we have hooked up before. Part of me sort of wishes I did say yes when he asked me out and I allowed him to be there for me. He knew about my mom, he's the only person in New York that I told. 

"Who is that?" he asked, his voice coming out calm. 

"James." 

"Who's James?" 

"A friend," I replied. I felt his eyes on the side of my face so I turned to him. 

"Your friends kiss you like that?" 

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You used to." 

"Yeah, that was because I-" he sighed, shaking his head. "Forget it. I'm going home." 

"Why are you being so difficult, Blake?" 

He stopped, turning back around to me. "I'm being difficult?" 

I resisted an eye roll and continued. "He was a friend. Like you were." 

"I've known you my whole life, Hope. He knew you, what? Two years?" he scoffed. 

"Why are you comparing this? My relationship with you was different from mine with his. There's no comparison. And I'm not talking about this. I've apologized to you, why can't we move past this?" I groaned. 

"We can't move past it because you were gone for two years without telling me." 

"You can't blame it all on me. You didn't even try reaching out to me. You never asked how I was doing or anything. I thought you didn't care much as I thought you would." It's true. When he never called or texted, I thought he didn't really that much. I thought he didn't like me the way I liked him. So I tied up those feelings to an anchor and let it sink to the bottom of my heart where those feelings still remain. It's my job to make sure they don't resurface. 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I didn't reach out because I didn't care. Maybe that's why it bothers me so much to see you," he said sarcastically. "I didn't think you wanted me to reach out. You left town for an escape, I wasn't gonna be the one to drag you back to the last place you wanted to be in."