beautiful Life

my life

hi,
I'm Jenifer.
my life is a book some chapter are good, some chapter are sad, some happy, some excitement, but if you never turn the page of my life you never know what's chapter next.
I am 18 .my high school life is not good, because I am always bullied by my classmates. I don't have any friends that want to be around me, I only have people that need me then ignore me when they don't need.
I know you must be thinking my life is beautiful so, let me tell you better my life beautiful fucking hell. I am lonely.
I am totally broken, I am hurt, there's is nothing I can do it.
in my life each day as evening start to set the ache builds in my chest. I know that I must go to my bed and try to get some rest.i hugs my pillow close no one is around cries for one I loved and lost and scream without a sound. others see me in day and think I doing well but every day as evening set I entered my own hell.
time wasn't hilled my pain at all or quited my fears so every night, alone in bed I sheds those silent tears.
my every painful tears are not the one that fall from my eyes, and cover my face.it's the one that fall from my heart and cover my soul.
my life is very complected because my life gives me so much pain and at the same time gives me so many beautiful movement.
when come to my relationship I also fall in love. he's cute. he is tall. he's got gorgious eyes. and a stunning smile. I didn't say a name, but he is very handsome.
but my love not longer staying with me.
I don't know why, but I still waiting for him.
I choose him and I will choose him over and over, without pause, without a doubt in a heart beat, I'll keep choosing him.
I try not to be miss him, I try to let go, but in the end, he always on my mind.
I am not that person always seems to happy, I am not that person always seems smart. but he makes me happy, he always say I am smart, I am not dumbo.
he makes me feel beautiful, and taken care of me.he make me better person. but now he leaves me, he promised me he never leave me, but he leaves.
I thought he loved me and when I realised he didn't I felt so stupid. I know in relationship I am not perfect, I mess up, I start fights, I easily get jealous, but there are one thing I am proud of being, me I do not play when it comes to choose him, I only choose him.
I want to live life in a beautiful way and i want to live every single day of my life with happiness.
I tired of this life litterly the person supposed to be loved me,he nowhere to be found.
he is the only one make me happy.
but now every day of my life is hell, I am broken, I am hurt, i feel so sad, I don't want to live this life anymore.
I always stuck in my room.
acctualy life is not what we think it is. people always give me poor knowledge that I should be happy in this life. I think nobody understand my feelings. nobody no's the real me. nobody no's the when I cries. nobody no's the how many times I have lost hope, how many times I have been let down. nobody's no's the nothing about me. I don't know why I am like this.
I also want to be happy but still this is hell.
I have a cute family. five members live at my house.
my father is a lawyer.
my mother is a businessman women along with doing my take care. my and my mother bond is very unique, litterly I don't know, I always think nobody's love me, but she always do. without any conditions. I know you must be thinking why my mom takes care of me so, let me tell you better, I have a depression. but I denied, because this is not depression.
I feel lonely, I am broken, I am hurt,I don't want to come this awful feeling inside of me....I am tired of this negetivity.
please protect me...I need help.
I don't want to go for my therapists because of my fuking depression, because I don't have any depression. this is true I don't.
my elder brother riyan studies in abroad. my elder sister married she lives with her husband.
my father and mother leave early morning for work, still happy , offcourse not I am not happy, my life is sucks.
I have so many dreams but think my life I hate everything.
this is hell.
this life nobody wants to try to sucks this because this is dirty dick.
I wondering in this life good day will come or not....I am not sure about anything.
every day is just struggle.
but I tell you my sicret, I have crush.
but I am not sure, because I don't know I really love him or not, because I also don't know, you know in my life I am not sure about anything.
one thing always make me cry I am useless.
sometimes I don't have words to describe my feeling what's going on my mind and heart.... but still.. try to be happy...... but in my inside I am broken.
I believe my old love comes back in new faces.
I am sad but smile, that's my beautiful life.