beautiful Life

My Love

I just keep mumuring...mom I need him. neutrally, her arms wrap around me in a comforting gesture.
she consecutive coaxed to me that everything will be alright my baby.
baby he will come soon to you.please don't hurt yourself,
like this.
he will come back to you soon, my baby.
me- no, you are lie.
he can't come, he, can't.
mom- he will baby.
me- no, he can't ,he can't.no
he fucking can't come back to me.
you are lie.
mom- baby.
me- mom you are bad, very bad, you lie me.
you don't know anything nobody ..... care about me......no..one love me.
how could you promise me something so certain when you didn't even know when he come back.
my strangled cries pause and I lean off of her shoulder looking at her intently
I search her face she unsure of.
I choke and her face says everything that her words don't
me- he told you? ( my hoarse voice rasing in volume.)
mom- baby what.
( a odd type of sadness hidden beneath the surface of her voice.)

me- I just asked you...he say.. to you he will come back.
he.. say .. to you.
he says, he says.
how could you promise me like this.
you don't even know.
you are bad.
you are bad.....ah...ah..ah.( hard crying, shouting at my mom.)
my mom eyes.. starting watering.
mom- baby...... don't say... like this.
your mom.... never lie to you...
please.... baby ( crying)
me- easy for you to give.. me... promise....he.will...come..back.
but I have been waiting for one year and he has not come back to me yet.
how could you .. promise me.. something.. like... this.
when you didn't.. even.know.( shouting at my mom)
she tried to hold my hand...but...i refused.
I snap...and jerking.. jerking.. upright.to my feet.
mom-baby.... please... please...( crying hard).
I make my...way towards... upstairs to.. my...room.
I slam the door behind me.
the lights, stays off when I come back into my room.blindly navigate back to my bed and i climb onto it.
the sheets are pulled around me like a shield.
I curled up into a ball, pressing my knees to my chest.
sobs overtook my body.... it's harder to breathe, the room is getting smaller.
panic building in my chest,I am fighting back a scream or maybe sobs, or both.
"oh gosh"I gasp out of failing lungs.( nausea washes over me.)
slight throb was forming in my head all of my crying.
my thought begin to form in head.
and my eyes started fluttering.
and I didn't resist when my sleep consumed me.
a few hours later.

a loud voice echoes through my ear.
i rip my eyes open and lean forward.
and I stare at my empty room, what the hell where is the sound coming from.
a deep familiar voice call out my name.
Jenifer.
I see in my room where is the voice coming from.
but...no one is there.. just me alone.
I see my room door crack open.
and I instantly turn on the light of my nightstand.
the deep familiar voice says again..
slowly... Jenifer.
I flick my eyes to see the clear view of the figure standing in front of my doorways.
I mouthed... slowly...Owen.
my eyes started watering, placing one hand on my chest and my mouth continue to choke trying to get enough air.
and he closed the door behind him.
and Owen slowly walks to my bed .
over eyes are connected, and my eyes burn, and I cannot prevent the tears from falling.
he speaks out my name.
owen- Jenifer.
my heart bit started to pick up speed and I feel like it could snap out of my chest .
I desperately try to move but my body is frozen. but he there ,I can hear his voice calling out to me, his lips speaking my name.
I am trying to get back to him.
if only he knew how I was trapped in my mind ever since the he left me.
me- baby....b..ab...y.( my lips starting trembling, burst into tears)
Owen and my memories we spent together fill in my thoughts.
and I remember when I meet him, it was so clear.
that he was the only one for me.
and the days when we comes close to each other more.
he was charismatic, magnetic, electric.
and everyone knew it.
when he walked in every woman head turned and I loved him.
I loved him......I ... loved..him.
and I still love him.
me- Owen I whine like a baby
begging for him to come closer.
he is my side in an instant hesitant to touch me.
the way his hands are skepticaly to touch me makes me want to screem.
my hands reaching for him, tears pouring out of my eyes.
hiccups popping out of my mouth.
I reach for him.
my fingers grip the matterial of his clothes and I tug him forcefully towards me.
I can't even for a coherent sentence .
so I only crying,... babe.. please....help.. me.. babe.. please.
he sit beside me...he wrap her arms around my waist.
me- babe... please.... please... babe... don't leave.... me... don't... please.
I wrap my arms around her neck.
my sobs break free as I think of loosing him.