beautiful Life

FLASHBACK

owen- get some rest, don't be scared .
owen comforting smile at me, his eyes sleepy.
I'm here ok.
I can hear the tiredness in his words. although I'm not very tired.
I nod and let my eyes shut, 
he wrap his arm around my waist.
the weight of his arms around my waist comforts me.
tugging him over to me, I wrap my arm around his torso.
some seconds later a lump formed in my throat ...I said to myself I don't start fucking crying now.
I recall the day me and Owen first time meet to each other and my bully come to my house to apologise me

!!FLASHBACK!!

when suddenly my room door open and Owen come inside and slam the door behind him.
heart break is clear on his face as he mentally decides whether or not he should comfort me.

"just go"..I croak.

I turn my face in shame.
( unavoidable ache is still apparent in my chest.)

he sit in front of me.
I glance up at him and my bottom lip starts to tremble.
my lips part as I prepare to say something to him, but he wrap her arms around me.

instantly I pushed him away.. don't touch me..ok I really don't know who are you.. so, please don't play your game with me..ok...  and  he sat a short distance from me.

owen-  don't be afraid of me I just calming you down.
I know what are you feeling now.... Jenifer.

me- what I feel, what i need, you don't even know about me..ok.
Owen- Jenifer...??

me-. what... you don't know me..ok
nobody's know me.
so, stop your fuking drama.
my lips start to tremble as I say the word. his eyes snap back to my face.

Owen-  stop what... Jenifer???
me-  the way you talking or looking at me as if I'm some kind of freak...I don't need your pity.... the last word I whispered.

owen - not to be rude but what happen with you.
me- nothing..ok.. nothing.. understand.
raising my hand, I point towards the door. "get out" of my  room  and my house...I demand.

a lump that formed in my throat makes me choke...
I climb out of bed.

I grumbling.... no, not again why does this always have to come of nowhere. it's really hot in here. I can't catch my breath...I call out my mom...mom
mom...I can't breath.
why can't I catch my breath
with each of his hands he grab me... Jenifer are you okay.
my sadness wrapped around my neck, choking me ...my sadness is pulling me into depth..I can't breath.
he clutches the back with right hand.... and he hold my face gently .
my cheeks slicked with tears.
our eyes meet with each other .. and he.. speak... Jenifer...calm.
I push him away....why should I calm... fucking why..who are you to tell me.??.. I'm throwing whatever I can find in front of me at whatever else I can find in front of me.
everytime I open my mouth to scream , I taste the Salt from tears that are streaming down my cheeks.

owen arms suddenly engulf me from behind and grip me so tightly I became immobile.
I jerk and toss and scream some more until my actions are no longer thought out.
they're just reaction.
"stop", he says calmly against my ear, unwilling to release me.
I hear him but I pretend not to, or I just don't care, I continue to struggle against his grip but he only tighten his grip.

don't touch me, please, please, please.
the small voice echoes in my mind and I immediately became limp in his arms. I become weaker as my tears grow stronger, consuming me.
I become nothing more than a vessel for the tears that won't stop shedding.
I'm weak and letting him win.
holder loosens his grip around me and places his hands on my shoulders, then turns me around to face him.
I can't even look at him, I melt against his chest, from exhaustion and defeat, taking in fistfuls of his shirt as I sob, my cheek pressed against his heart.
he places his hand on the back of my head and lowers his mouth to my ear.
Jenifer... please calm.. don't be scared I am here for you.. don't scared I protect you... please Jenifer...his voice is steady and unaffected.