Diluted

~22~

Ember stumbles through the hallway of her apartment. Her hands run through her messy hair.
She hasn't taken a shower in six days, and she hasn't seen much of Jim either.
Her motivation for everything has been depleted. All she can feel is numb. It's a new feeling and she doesn't know if she likes it or not.

Jim has been busy wrapping up the album and as much as Ember misses him she knows he has a life outside of her. She doesn't want to rely on him for her happiness.

She sits down on the floor and leans her head back against the couch and Blackbeard trots over to her. He lays his head down on her thigh and she strokes his fur as she looks up at the ceiling.

Her stomach twists in nots as she feels dirty for no reason. Dirty and ashamed, ashamed of what she's become.

"Jim should find someone else," Ember sighs as she looks down at Blackbeard.

A tear slips down her face as she strokes her dog. Blackbeard looks up at her and crawls into her lap as she gives him a hug.

"I'm not good enough for him or for anyone. There's a reason why I've been alone for this long," Ember cries as she holds onto Blackbeard.

Blackbeard nuzzles her as she cries hysterically.

"I don't even know what he's doing with me?" Ember whines as she lies down on the floor with Blackbeard snuggled into her.

Ember wipes her tears as she feels the sadness leave her and rest somewhere deep inside of her. Numbness returns and encases her. She feels as if she's trapped inside a room that's completely blank and empty. Noting interesting, nothing new. Noting good, nothing bad just empty and blank. The walls grey and the floors matching. No furniture. Nothing. Empty.

She bites her lip as she looks up at the ceiling and pets her dog.
She can feel loneliness creeping up on her and she shakes her head as she sits up.

"You know what we need?" Ember mutters as she looks down at Blackbeard.
He cocks his head up at her and she chuckles.

"A drive. Come on," she says as she walks to the front door with Blackbeard on her heels.

She grabs his leash and hooks it to his collar as she grabs her car keys and opens the front door.
She walks Blackbeard out the building and down the steps that lead to the parking lot.

Ember sets Blackbeard in the front seat and then gets in the driver's side.
She puts her keys in and starts the car as she hooks her phone to the Bluetooth in her car.

She decides on Janis Joplin and presses play as she pulls out of the parking lot and drives off.

She doesn't know where she's going but that's the beauty of going for a drive. No rules. No deadlines. Just freedom.

Ember flicks on her turn signal as she drives onto the highway. She speeds past cars as she stares out at the sky. At least it's not a gloomy day.

Blackbeard looks out the window happily at passing cars and Ember smiles as she strokes his fur.

She's sick of not being happy but she knows she's the only one who can control her emotion.

She sings along with Janis Joplin as her music plays in the background.
When "summertime" comes on Ember cranks up the volume and smiles as the calm guitar flows throw her speakers. Janis' raspy voice flows through the speaks and Ember smile as she's taken back in time.
She remembers singing to this with her mom. They would go for drives and just let the music play. No destination in mind, just for the sake of getting out of the house.

Ember smiles as the sound of seventies rock music fills the her ears.

Blackbeard gets comfortable in his seat and Ember smiles at him as she pets his fur.