You're A Baby's Butt (StudxStud)

<Chapter 19>

<Munae's POV>
I didn't feel bad for lying to Betty, but I knew that I should, so I made myself feel bad. To feel like I was doing something right. I closed my eyes and searched for the emotion. There. I felt bad. "I'm sorry Betty. All of this you have to go through is horrible," I said with perfect sad eyes. Perfect sad expression. Perfect everything.

"Me too," she looked around then at the exit.

"Let's go." I followed her out and we went back to the car. "What did I come for again?" she asked. I had truly wanted her to see the dead body. I knew that was one of DaToya's friends.

I quickly made up something, "I wanted you to see the bodies then this other lead we have."

"Why do you have a lead if you know who did all of this and that it was an accident?" she asked. "Um..because we have to make it look like a lead for the cops," I covered up. "Ohh, makes sense," she agreed. I wanted to take her mind off of DaToya. "It's at the park, it's only a walk away. Would you prefer to go by car or..?"

"Walk, I wanna stop by my aunt's house if that's alright with you," she said in a clipped tone. I mentally sighed but I knew she would do it anyways. We began walking down a way Betty seemed to know like the back of her foot. I kept glancing over at her, trying to see how she was taking all of this. If only DaToya didn't try to con one of my guys. If only I knew that it was Betty's family member! I'm going to start looking into the people I kill before I kill them. Hopefully Betty doesn't have a wild family like that though.

I heard my phone ringing and looked down. It was my mom. I checked the time then went to the Notes section of my phone to see if I was supposed to have any classes right now. Nope. I answered right before my phone was going to stop ringing and said "hello". "Munae! Hey darling, I just wanted to ask how you liked the Apple Watch?"

"Oh it's fine Mom. I love it!" I said with half assed enthusiasm. "What's wrong?" Why was she being kind to me? What does she want? "Just stressed because of schoolwork. I'm taking a walk right now actually. Tryna clear my head."

"Oh that's good, I asked my friend down at admissions to see about your grades and she said you're doing....average right about now." I knew that my paid grades would be going up soon again. "I'm studying harder now Mom. These grades are gonna be high in the clouds."

"That's good," I could hear her genuine smile through the phone. "Just make sure you aren't at any college parties doing that," she chuckled. "Yes ma'am," I said in a serious voice. Betty held in a chuckle besides me and I realized she had been listening in on my convo.

"Well, come over and see your siblings whenever you can. I'm thinking about planning a-

"Hold up Mom, I'm crossing the street," I lied. I tried to think of something that could get me out of going. Betty nudged me and I rolled my eyes. "What were you saying, Mom?" I asked ever so sweetly. "A fun sibling day I'm planning for you all. Ooh, you guys all aren't busy tonight. I know all of your schedules. You should come and bowl! Or we could watch a movie at home and I could make lots of snacks." Mom sounded genuinely excited and she was the only human my heart could naturally care for. Not even Betty.

"Alright Mom, just let me know the time and I'll be there." I smiled, feeling pleasant. She hung up with an "I love you", and I smiled again to myself. "You seem to like your mom," Betty commented. I looked over at her, and shrugged. "At times."

"She's only a mother, Munae. Give her credit."

"True."

"Why are you the way you are?" Betty asked randomly. "Your mother seems lovely."

I looked around, then placed my hands in my pockets. "Well. It all started when I was younger. I was isolated mentally. My mother didn't offer much love to me. It was almost like I had to fend for myself but we were an average American family. There were always the little things that made a difference. The way my mother sometimes talked to me or the way my father did. The way people looked at me. The way I was treated at school. I started to isolate myself. I was becoming different. I wasn't one of those people who acted out because of bad things going on with me."

"I was one of those people who kept it in because there was no one would who would listen. People already naturally outcast me, acting out would be worst. Worst of all, I didn't realize the way I felt and the way my mind thought I was being treated....and at times, the way I actually was being treated was not right. I started looking up things I wasn't supposed to. I started to learn about things I shouldn't. I started writing about death, and imagining and wanting my own. And others. My life turned dark when all I wanted was help. But then....there was a point where I needed help but did not want it. I had made it this far, I don't need pity or help. Other times, I wanted as much attention as I could have, but only when I felt like it. I liked the pity, I just wished my scars were more physical so then people couldn't help but see it. Then, I'd know whether they ignored the scars because they couldn't handle it or not."

"I've been fucked up for awhile. No doubt. I could never talk to someone about how I felt inside. What good is a therapist if you can't tell them about how sometimes your siblings annoy you so much that.....or that sometimes you're so down and low that you want to end yourself but you're not strong enough to? That death and murder and humiliation turns me on. That the things a normal person would consider gruesome fascinate me. That the only company I truly have on this dirty Earth are the.....the things in my head?"

"What good is my life? All I can do is kill...I am a worthless human."

I didn't even look at Betty.

"And you asked about why I only eat breakfast? I don't deserve the basic necessities humans need to live. Sometimes I don't even trust that my own limbs are mine. That I'm even in the right universe. Am I even human, Betty? Am I? I don't deserve such great things. I'm not worthy to be a life form."

Betty stayed quiet and I did too.

She stopped in front of a house and I kept my gaze on the sidewalk. She moved towards the house and I heard the screen door slam as she went inside.

What is Betty going to think of me now?