Rock bottom
Rock bottom again, I know this place I've been here before. The whole world shunning me, empty stomach and pockets no hope in sight. I know this place well its missed me I can hear it talking under its breathe "I knew you was going to F***k up, why do you keep lying to yourself your not going to make it your meant to fail your destined for failure" I think it might be right this time. All my life I've been living up to people's expectations, always looking for approval fitting into societies idea of norm. I'm I the only one guilty of this crime, I could feel my soul burning at the thought of me selling myself short just for some acknowledgement and when I do get it, it never feels right. Is it to do with my mother's breavement or me not knowing how to embrace the true me, envious thoughts creep into my mind when I see people who live their dreams out and are driven by passion. How do they do it? not caring about what other people think, that relentless drive they have. I've always lived to please my old man trying to gain his respect and in the process I lost sight of what I want neglecting my own desires. Masking my emotions with a fake smile, feeling my soul erode everyday. Love and happiness is a myth to me, the irony when people ask me why you always happy? if only they knew that I put this brave face on. Afterall that is the British way ' Keep calm and carry' and my mother wouldn't be to fond of me breaking down from just a little grief. The only peace I find is when I'm here rock bottom they call it, to me its home the only place I can call home. No obligations, no expectations just dark thoughts and chain smoking. I take solace in the pain its what I'm comfortable with. Its what I know, everytime I try change I just come crashing down and I feel more hurt than I did before. I'm only good at letting people down and when it comes to the girls I'm a real prick. The long list of broken hearts who plead for trust but when the lust is gone I fade away, its not like I'm some emotionless guy I do feel bad at times. They all come knocking, along with all my past failures when I come home its the only time I get to reflect and reminisce.... Rock bottom
