Obsessively Yours {Draco Malfoy 18+}

Chapter 17

Others would say that the best part about Hogwarts is the fact that we learn so many things. I agree, of course, I'm a freak for knowledge as well. But I wouldn't necessarily say that's the best part. Personally, the best part was having Draco Malfoy down at my feet, kissing my shoes. Not literally. But it might as well have been.

As much as it would kill him to admit, and probably 'ruin his reputation' he was completely under my control.

To be very honest, our DADA project became significantly easier and it was enjoyable, being able to watch the way Draco's gears turned. The way he viewed things.

I silently sat on my bed, leaning against the headboard to prop me up as I observed Draco who sat in the window seat, he was completely oblivious to my eyes focused on him as he spun his ring absentmindedly around his finger.

I'm not sure when the time had crept by but it had to have been sometime past 3am. It started out like every other time, talking about our childhood, our fears and desires, but then we grew silent and remained that way. Almost as if unsure what to say next, afraid to ruin whatever it was that was going on between the two of us.

Sure, he'd confessed his feelings to me, and though I hated it, I felt the same way. But I was being cautious. Maybe a little too cautious but I knew Draco. He didn't do relationships, he used people. I was not about to be another girl on his list. But even though we weren't exactly exclusive, or in a relationship, really, I couldn't help but be nervous that the slightest thing would send us back to square one. And square one was not somewhere I ever wanted to be again.

My eyes remained on Draco but my attention was else where. Blankly staring at him as my mind wandered. It wasn't that he was boring or I was uncomfortable, I just couldn't quite seem to be able to focus on anything.

"Syd?" Draco asked, suddenly, his voice ripping through the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Is it worth it?"

My eyes snapped back into focus, no longer blurring everything together. Draco's eyes were trained on mine in such an intense manner that shivers descended my spine.

Worth it?

I couldn't even begin to count the amount of times I had asked myself that. Was it worth it? Possibly being hurt by him, but possibly finding that certain spark that my life was lacking? I would have to guess that everything came down to whether or not I was willing to take the chance. Willing to fail.

All of the shit I'd gone through just to understand Draco. Just to know the smallest things about him. The sleepless nights. And maybe they were the reason I was stuck thinking whether or not it was worth it.

So worth it? Maybe not. But for some odd reason that I couldn't put my finger on yet, could somehow feel deep in my bones, I was more than willing to risk it all.

"Worth it? Im not sure. There isn't some magical crystal ball that would simply tell us the future. No spell or charm that could be cast in order to see all the outcomes. The possible endings. All that we have is intuition and instinct. So you ask if I think it's worth it, but what you should ask is if I'm willing to risk the chance." I shrugged, my gaze unwavering on Draco's as I bit my lip, concentrating on the right thing to say. If there was a right thing to say.

"And are you? Willing to risk the chance?"

My eyes wandered over Draco's body, observing his eyes, landing on his lips for a quick moment, down to his shirt and the creases of his sleeves, to his chest and the way it seemed to be heaving anxiously, awaiting my answer.