𝕊𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪~ 𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕓𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕠𝕠𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥

𝔽𝕚𝕧𝕖

I can't do this right now.

I had just stood up for myself. I finally did it, I made my thoughts clear. But it didn't work.

"Why can't I have some fucking privacy?! If you can go through my phone then I should be able to do the same with yours! I've done nothing, absolutely nothing to make you go through my shit!"

She was furious, anger radiated from her as she stood taller than me. Every time she got close to me I'd blink away thinking she was going to hit me. I don't want to be fighting, it's 11:25 pm, and I'm tired. Tired of this bullshit, tired of living. Everything is so exhausting.

"Do not raise your voice at me." It was cold, yet harsh. She stared at me with hate in her eyes, I was trying to compose myself so I wouldn't fuck up.

"You disappoint me so much, I was just checking your phone. But you had to yell at me" the words coming out of her mouth were laced with sadness and manipulation.

"You had no reason to do so-"

Her hand was balled up into a fist, she raised it slightly over my head as she went to hit me. I used my forearm as a shield of sorts but that made her madder, it was terrifying.

My breath quickened, I felt a punch go towards my body. My eyes blurred while she spewed hurtful comments. They clouded my head as I fell to the ground, I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

I heard her stomp away to her room, her voice echoed through my head as pain arose through my body. Everything hurt, it hurt to move, to breathe.

I curled myself into a tight ball knowing I'd be safe like that, I rocked back and forth repeatedly trying to take my mind off things.

I just wanted to float away and not have to worry about problems. I just wanted privacy. Surely it wasn't too much to ask for.

My head was in my head, I scratched my scalp trying to find a distraction. It may have hurt a bit but it kind of worked. Salty tears ran down my face as a low, broken sob left me. I needed to let everything out. But how?

————

I got up with shaky legs, I was still recovering from whatever just happened there.

My breathing was back to normal but I was still on high alert.

Fundy can't see me like this, I have to go pick him up later. I was holding myself up with the support of the table, I was tired. Panic attacked tire the hell out of me.

I started to step towards the bathroom, I was going to make myself look decent to go pick my son up from school. I wasn't too beat up this time, a bruise was sure to form on my face again but no blood.

Slightly touching the purple and green blob forming on my face I cringed, it was becoming noticeable. Sighing I grabbed some concealer from the second cabinet drawer in the bathroom. Not forgetting to grab the thing to apply the concealer. It wasn't that hard I just had to blend it a bit and I was good to go. Doing just exactly that it looked unnoticeable, but the process of doing that hurt a shit ton.

Fixing my hair and sweater I looked at myself in the mirror.

I look dead.

I'm so pale and boney, my lips beyond dry. Is this how other people saw me, maybe I wasn't boney. Maybe I was just fat.

I poked my sides repeatedly, every time I bent I had rolled. I found the problem, it was me. Sally was right, she was right I shouldn't be eating that much. Sighing, I rolled up my sweater to expose my stomach to the cold air.

I had a small bump, of fat.

That shouldn't be there, that was the problem. People saw me as ugly because of that. To my eyes, all I saw was fat, and ugliness. But if you asked anyone with vision they'd say I needed to eat, a lot. I didn't see that though. I saw far from that.

I found the source of the problem, all I had to do now was fix it. All I had to do was follow Sally's advice and I'd be fixed. Maybe then I'd look good enough.

Beep bedp bee—

A ring was cut off from my phone as I pushed 'dismissed' that was my alarm to go pick up Fundy from school. I looked down at the shirt I threw on the floor, it had blood on it. I'll have to take care of that later.

So I went to go throw the shirt in my dirty laundry bin and headed off to go pick up my son from school.

————

Hulloooo! How are you!

Anyways, ily thank you for reading!!
(839 words)

—Tye