Beyond Words - Jacob Diaries

18th September, 2011: MELANCHOLY

Words. Mere words, couldn't explain how I felt since then. Many overwhelming emotions made me feel uneasy and empty at the same time. I ended up not going to school the following days, more like I couldn't go.

On Monday morning, my mother woke me up which was quite rare as I usually wake up by myself. I brushed my teeth while hardly managing to keep my eyes open. Then I went to the kitchen and saw my mother preparing breakfast.

"Mom.. Can I skip school today?" I asked.

My mother was surprised. It had been a long time since I said something along these lines.

I added, "Anyways, our portion has been completed. Right now they are preparing for founder's day. There's going to be March past practice, magazine work, dance practice and what not. It's a waste of time."

"What about your attendance?" My mother asked earnestly.

"It won't be counted, so don't worry." I lied.

Well, we only needed 80% attendance and I figured I had already covered that much.

"Okay, it's upto you." She said and handed me my plate with bread and egg.

I ate my breakfast and went back to my bed. As I was laying, I felt as if a huge rock was kept on my chest. I wondered why it felt so heavy. I couldn't exactly comprehend what it was, probably I was just tired.

"Son, wake up! How much do you plan on sleeping?"

I opened my eyes to find my mother ready to go somewhere. I checked my alarm clock to see what time it was.

11.30 am! I was asleep for that long!

"Don't sleep anymore. I am going to school and will be back by five. Your lunch is kept ready in the kitchen, warm it and eat when you are hungry." She said.

My mom worked as a primary school teacher and her job timings were from 12-5. It had been three days, dad had gone to our hometown to attend my cousin's wedding. Since I and Rachel were busy with acedemics, he chose to go alone.
Rachel usually returned back from school by 3. Until then I was home alone.

After I saw my mother off, I went straight to the kitchen. I was still feeling off and thought that eating more would help me gain my lost energy.

On the contrary, I felt more sleepy after my early lunch. I gathered all my will power and dragged myself to the study table. I decided to read something easy and took out bio textbook from my school bag.

Human nervous system.

After having read the title, I stared at my book for 10 minutes as nothing entered my head. I couldn't concentrate at all. The words jumbled in my head. I again felt the eerie sensation of having something heavy kept against my chest making it difficult to breath. I closed my book, went back to bed and I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up again to the voice of my mother. I immediately went to the Hall.

"Since when is he sleeping, Rach?"

"No idea, he was already asleep when I got home."

My mother saw that I had woken up and walked towards me. She touched my forehead with the dorsum of her hand and asked, "Are you not feeling well? How come you slept so much today?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Should we go to the doctor?" She asked.

"No, I am tired. That's all."

She still seemed worried. I washed my face and resisted the urge to sleep again. But all was in vain.

This continued the next day too, and it disturbed my mother to the point where she made me visit a doctor, who then advised few blood tests. Turned out I was mildly anaemic. The stressful schedule I followed did affect my health at the end.
I was started on iron multivitamin tablets, while my mother decided to give me pomegranate daily.

My friends had sent me multiple texts and I ignored all. I didn't talk much to anyone. I mostly laid on my bed wide awake with no thoughts entering my mind, occassionally battling the strange suffocating sensations until I eventually fell asleep.

I felt hopeless at times.

I just wish it would be over soon...