Beyond Words - Jacob Diaries

4th September, 2011: COMEDOWN

It was Maths period going on.
Ever since my friends found out my secret, they wouldn't calm down. Kiran frequently took my book and doodled in them during lectures!

Not that we ever paid attention in class before. We usually doodled and fooled around during every period except for Maths, because our maam was quite fierce.

But now, he mostly scribbled Sanika's name and drew hearts around it. Playing 'flames' with her name and mine- coincidently we did match. Jeena and Ashutosh who sat just behind us, occasionally joined him in his antiques too. My annoyed and flustered face only made them want to tease me more.

Our maam was busy solving some weird complex equation on board, while Kiran kept nudging me to show off what he had created during the class.

Now what?

Why is he so immatu-- huh!

What the hell are those creatures!

"Pfttt... "

I tried hard to control my laughter without getting noticed. I looked at Kiran. His perfect poker face with the caterpillar moustache made things more difficult for me.

"Ahem.. *Cough!* *Cough!*"

I disguised my laughter with coughs, but it only caught the attention of our Maths lecturer, Rajeshwari Maam. Her name was as heavy and scary as her.

She glared at me. With that I suppressed both my coughs and laughs.

Towards the end of class, she declared that she had corrected our 'Term' papers. She started calling out our names and handed out the paper. As she did so, she yelled "PASS" or "FAIL" according to the result.

I gulped in fear, waiting for my name to be yelled.

"KIRAN! PASS! "

"FANNIE! FAIL!"

"TEJAS! FAIL!...... Wait no, PASS! I am sorry I read 89 as 39." She apologised.

Well, that guy was one among her favourite students. There was no way he would have failed.

" JACOB!"

I went ahead to grab my paper without looking at her face.

"FAIL!"

Eh!

I was in utter disbelief. I looked at my answersheet, and my score was 39.5/100
I failed by 0.5 marks!
My mind went into frenzy, my knees were weak and I collapsed into my seat. I was weak at maths, but had never failed and I was confident I wouldn't.

This should be a mistake.

"Hey! You okay?" Kiran asked.

"Yeah..."

"Try rechecking the score. It could be a mistake."

I nodded and counted the score. It didn't add upto forty.

Agh! Just half mark!

I was angry, frustrated and desperate.

"Jacob, it's not a big deal. You only failed by half mark", Kiran comforted me.

"You fine?" Jeena asked patting my shoulders.

"I am"

I wasn't fine.

I was worried about telling this news to my parents. This was the first time I ever failed. I wasn't sure how they would react, they would surely be disappointed.

I could feel a lump in my throat.

The lectures that followed, I couldn't keep my head straight. I pretended to be normal and unaffected in front of my friends, but my mind wasn't calm.
Once the school was dismissed, I headed straight to my bus. I sat down, leaned against the window and closed my eyes.

"Jacob"

I could hear Sanika's voice.
She probably sat next to me, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to her and pretended to be asleep.

All throughout the journey, I was struggling to keep my mind blank. But only negativity followed.

Why did any of my friends not fail? Even Ashutosh passed, he doesn't even study..

I bet Sanika will think I am a loser. She'll look down on me... like she always does...

I hate her.

I hate Rajeshwari!

I hate everyone!

I felt exhausted and eventually fell asleep, only to be woken up by my eleven year old friend.

"Big brother, your stop has come. Sanika sis asked to wake you up before going."

"Ah.. Thanks"

I got down my stop and was suddenly overcome with guilt.
I wished I hadn't failed, things would be different then.

Sigh...

I took a deep breathe in, and prepared myself to face my family. All those who failed, also had to meet the principal with their parents. Hiding the truth from them wasn't an option.