larry stylinson Short Stories <3

♡︎ worthless

⚠︎ self-harm is mentioned & homophobic language•
1056 words :)
Harrys POV:
♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♡︎
my thighs and arms are filled with scars, Each with a different story, a different hateful word, a different feeling of worthlessness.

"We all know I don't love you, and no one else will. you're worthless. Get used to it and grow up" my father said on my 13th birthday

"Worthless Faggot, You deserve nothing," my mother said after I came out.

"You slut, that's all you'll ever be...a worthless slut" my first and only boyfriend, Nick said for no aperient reason.

'You're really beautiful, please know that - secret admirer xx' the paper that fell out of my locker read, those words are a first. who would like me? I'm ugly and not particularly interesting.

I didn't think much of it, And I went on with my day.

To my surprise, there was another note stuck in my locker the next day. 

'Whatever tears you apart, don't let it break your heart. the world would be so dark without your ray of sunshine don't give up. I'm here. - secret admirer xx' i looked around hoping to find someone staring back at me, of course, I saw nothing. This is stupid. I bet it just someone messing with me, although I would be lying if I said it didn't give me a tint of happiness

the next day I checked as soon as I got to school. 'i guess some Queens don't need a crown and I know why even when your tears are falling down, still somehow you're perfect now - secret admirer xx' i let my face creep into a smile, a real genuine smile. "Hey harry what's up" my friend, Niall said from behind me, startling me out of my trance. "Erm...huh nothing" I didn't want to bring it up, that would make it feel too real therefore making it sadder when it's just someone messing with me. 

"what's that?" he said pointing to the light pink sticky note in my hand.
Before I could respond he was grabbing it out of my hand.

"Harry, this is huge!! Who do you think it is? who's the lucky person?"

"I have no idea"
"and?"

"and what?"

"how do you feel? ya know like getting with someone? gettin' da nasty"
I rolled my eyes at how immature he is.

"I'm...not sure. Let's just leave it, yeah?"
Niall hummed and nodded. I know that he's going to bring it up later.

"Hey Harry, my house tonight?" I simply nodded in response. What can I say, I'm a man of very few words. Later that day i found myself in Niall's room, staring at the ceiling. "Soooo...who do you think it is? do you think its a girl? Oh what if they are like head over heels for you? i mean they have to be, writing little letters for you" niall is quite a hopeless romantic if you couldn't tell. "Have they writtin other letters for you?" 

"yeah but...im sure its nothing"

"this isn't nothing someone has a crushy wushy on my little harold" i felt a smile creep onto my face at the thought. Does someone actually like me? how?

the next day i opened my locker to yet another pink sticky note. 'Love is only for the brave. I wanted you to have this. it always helps me. p.s his name is snuggle wuffles. - Secret admirer'
i looked around for a second then back at my locker, only to find a light blue stuffed bear. I smiled and gave it a gentle hug. I looked around to see a pear of bright blue eyes looking Back at me. before i could rap my head around what was happening they ware gone.

those eyes, oh god those eyes. They ware beautiful, so filled with life. I felt butterfly's in my stomach as this hole secret admirer thing just got so much more real.

No, no, no, I told myself i wouldn't let another person in, only for them to break me. Not again. The thought of someone loving me feels like a dream that will never come true. we all hope for love before we hope to not fall in love again.

the thought of all the past pain leads me into my bedroom, the small blade laying under my bed, calling my name.

I lock my door and pull my pants down.
i stare at the hurtful words caved into my legs.

For the first time in years i puase for a second to think. I look around my room to see the light blue bear laying on my bed, a small note still stuck to its tummy. 'Love is only for the brave' that word replaying in my head. 'love' love, love, love, i let a tear slide down my cheek. Love feels like its starting to lose its meaning.
Well it feels like people who say 'love' don't mean it. My father told me he loved me, my mother, nick, my friends, all of them. not one of them meaning it.

For the first time in years, i feel like they meant it. Who ever this was meant it. The word love felt So...tainted but this time it feels like a word full of its meaning. i wiped the tear of my cheek and pulled my pants back up. God, what was this boy doing to me.

It stayed the same for awhile. Everyday i would open my locker to a knew massage, A new compliment, a new feeling.

'love was something you've never heard enough. meet me under the big oak tree behind ridgeveiw. I want to see your beautiful smile up close. - Secret admirer xx' i smiled. There was that word again.

The day passed in seconds and next thing i knew i was walking behind the school towards the big oak tree. I felt my heart drop when i didn't see anyone. I fucking knew it this was a stupid game. My eyes drowned in tears.

Fuck.

before i could walk away i saw a small boy in a sweater, walk up to the tree and sit down. i felt happiness rush through me. I walked towards the boy.

"erm...hi" his head whipped up and looked at me. I smiled as my green eyes meant his blue. "Hi harry"