Heart Attack • Shirbert

• 3 • thoughts, tears, and thanks

'Hold onto me,

'Cause I'm a little unsteady'

--

The only thing on Marilla's mind as she rushed back to Green Gables with the coroner was preserving Matthew's body. When Michael died, he had been gone for hours before they found him. His body was almost decaying by the time Matthew found him in the barn. Matthew never recovered from that day, and Marilla knew that.

As he watched Marilla almost running through the fields with men in black following her, Jerry's mind finally began to race. 

What am I going to do without Matthew?

Where am I going to work without Matthew?

How will I ever find someone as good as Matthew?

He was convinced Marilla would fire him as soon as possible since there was no way one boy could care for all of Green Gables. Not only had he lost a father figure that day, he lost a livelihood. As loving as his parents were, they relied on his income to survive. What would they do?

Gilbert also watched Marilla approach Matthew's body. The men with her knelt down and inspected him like a piece of meat they had to toss out. He knew how grim the days ahead would be for them and he intended to be there for all of it. He was alone when his father died. He had a duty to make sure no one else felt alone.

Gilbert looked down at Anne who had finally stopped crying. He hoped she would fall asleep and maybe find some sort of peace, but he could tell she was wide awake. He knew she would find it hard to sleep for a while. Seeing someone you loved dead on the floor is haunting.

Anne wasn't aware of anything happening. She felt a ringing in her ears she couldn't shake and her feet were freezing. She had stopped crying, but she still clung onto Gilbert and didn't intend to let go. She knew needed him. Anne loved being independent, but something about him made her let her guard down. Too many people left Anne. She couldn't let Gilbert be one of them. 

"Please don't leave me." She muttered into his shirt, still making sure she could hear his heartbeat.

"I'm not going anywhere." His voice was hoarse. 

Gilbert's one arm was around her back and he slowly rubbed her arm as an indication he was still there. 

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, but it had really only been about 30 minutes. 

After Matthew's body was contained and being transported to the funeral home, Marilla finally remembered her adopted daughter.

Moving quicker than she probably ever had before, Marilla jogged to the house and saw Jerry on the front porch staring blankly ahead at the coroner.

"Where's Anne?" Marilla sounded panicked, like somehow she had already lost Anne too.

"I think upstairs." Jerry said emotionlessly. 

Marilla looked down at the poor boy and stuck out her hand, "Come in for tea," she said it like a command, "You'll catch your dea- a cold out here."

Marilla would never use that phrase again.

Anne took in the silence until she heard banging downstairs and sprang up.

What if it was someone coming for her? What if Marilla was already going to get rid of her since Matthew was gone? What if Marilla couldn't even look at her?

I can't be sent away.

Anne looked down at Gilbert who was startled by the banging and Anne's sudden movement.

"Don't let them take me." She said worriedly, reaching for his hand.

He stood up and took her hand, "Anne, who would take you?"

Gilbert suddenly became nervous. Was someone really trying to take Anne or was it in her head? He wouldn't let anyone take Anne.

He pulled her in to hug her and attempted to soothe her, "No one is going to take you. I'm here."

They heard footsteps up the stairs and Anne's bedroom door swung open to reveal Marilla. 

Anne breathed a sigh of relief. She actually thought horrendous monsters were on their way to take her back to the asylum. But she could tell by the look on Marilla's face that wasn't true.

She broke away from Gilbert and crushed her adoptive mother into a hug. 

Marilla was never one for affection. She loved Anne dearly, but she did so by keeping her safe and in order. Lovey-dovey actions were not in her strong suit, but she knew Anne needed her like this. And she knew she'd do just about anything for Anne in this moment. They only had each other now.

Marilla looked over Anne's shoulder at Gilbert, who stared at them longingly.

This has to remind him of John's death.

She already knew he would be an invaluable asset to Anne in the upcoming months as they grieved Matthew, but all she did now was mouth,

Thank you.

Gilbert nodded solemnly, beginning to feel anxious in the space. He felt like he was intruding on an important family moment, but Anne asked him to stay. He would do anything for her.

"Gilbert, why don't you join Jerry downstairs for tea. It's too cold out." Marilla wanted to let him go but keep him close for Anne's sake.

Anne's mind was on one thing and one thing only:

How can I live without Matthew?

Marilla pulled away from Anne and looked right into her eyes, "Listen to me. It's just you and me now. Matthew wouldn't have wanted us like this. He would have wanted us to get up and live our lives. We won't mope about now. We're Cuthberts and we're strong."

Anne took every detail of Marilla's face into her head. Marilla was unbelievably pale, but her expression showed a sign of strength. Marilla believed they would be okay, so Anne had to as well. But Anne could see behind her eyes. Marilla was grieving and broken. 

We'll be broken together.