Heart Attack • Shirbert

• 36 • overwhelmed, okay, and olives

'Every bone screaming, I don't know what we should do

All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you'

--

Gilbert's knee was bouncing anxiously.

He didn't even go home after he left Green Gables. He went straight to the story club to sit there and wait.

It could take her a long time. There was also the possibility she wouldn't even come. They hadn't really talked since last week and he definitely made her mad today when he brought up the letter.

Not to mention telling her I love her.

It felt like forever until Gilbert heard fast footsteps coming towards him.

"Anne?"

The steps slowed down and Anne appeared through the door, breathing heavily and bending over tiredly.

Gilbert stood up, put his hand on her back, and guided her to sit down.

"Are you okay?" He sat beside her and leaned down to see her face. 

"She wants me to go." Anne mumbled, staring at a chard of one of Cole's old statues stuck in the floorboards.

Gilbert couldn't tell if he was dreaming. He never thought Marilla would shoo Anne away, "To U of T?"

"Yes." Anne dropped her head lower, "She said I should go."

"Are you going to go?"

Anne picked up her head, "How could I?" She felt her chest filling with emotion. All of this talk about the future was beyond overwhelming, "Marilla will live alone without me."

"She has other people in her life to keep her company." Gilbert countered, "You can't expect yourself to stay here and take care of her forever."

Anne finally looked at him. She didn't know what she expected, but she didn't think it would be opposition.

"Why not?"

"Anne, you can do much better than stay here."

He couldn't believe she imagined staying here, even staying at Queens was a loss of Anne's potential. Going to U of T would grow her.

Anne knew she was about to cry, "What about Matthew?"

"What about Matthew?" Gilbert knew exactly where she was going, but there was no way she'd let that hold her back.

"How can I leave him?" Anne put her head in her hands and started crying.

All this talk of the future was overwhelming. Going to Queens would be so easy, but she knew Gilbert and Marilla were right. Staying here would stop her from accomplishing so many great things.

But Matthew.

Gilbert put his arm around her back and pulled her in, "Anne-"

"How can you leave your father?" Anne sat up, loosening his hold on her, "Don't you feel like you're betraying him?"

Gilbert felt a pang in his heart. Any mention of his father was a pain point for him.

But he knew his father. He would be beyond disappointed if Gilbert spent his life moping around in Avonlea.

"He would want me to explore the world. He knows I can do better than be stuck here. Matthew would want what's best for you too."

Anne stared at him, trying to decipher if he was lying. 

She knew he wasn't.

"He would want Marilla taken care of." Anne was convinced this at least was true, "I can't do that if I'm not here."

"If Marilla wants you to go, it must be because she thinks she can care for herself. She isn't alone here." Gilbert rubbed her back slowly in an attempt to comfort her, "She has my family and Mrs. Lynde. She's smart. She can get the help she needs when she needs it."

Anne couldn't just accept defeat, "But what if-"

"There will always be what if's." He said firmly, "You will always find a reason not to do something, even when there are a million reasons to do it. Someone smarter than me told me that."

Anne did.

Gilbert turned so his body faced hers, "This is the time in your life to do what's best for you. You are about to set your entire future. If what's presented to you isn't what you want, why force yourself to do it? Especially only for the benefit of someone else."

He felt how hypocritical he was being, but he was hoping Anne wouldn't notice. 

Anne's stomach dropped. She knew the destruction she was about to cause when she said, "Is that how you feel...about the Sorbonne?"

Oh no.

"What?" Gilbert said softly. He was hoping he heard wrong.

"You said if you propose to Winifred, you get to go to the Sorbonne. The school you've dreamt of since you read the London Times."

It hurt Anne to talk about Winifred, especially agreeing him proposing to her as a good option.

"Yes." Gilbert stated. He was too scared to show emotion.

"Isn't going there what's best for you?"

Please don't say yes.

"Maybe." Gilbert answered honestly. Deciding whether or not to go wasn't easy, "But the proposition is two-fold. I don't only go to the Sorbonne, I also marry Winifred."

They shared a moment of silence.

Anne asked the one question that had been plaguing her mind for months. 

"Would you be happy with her?"

Gilbert froze. He also constantly asked himself this question, "I...I don't know."

He saw the look in Anne's eyes change. She didn't look terribly sad or elated. She looked hopeful.

"How can I make a decision like that in only a few weeks?"

Anne's heart was pounding. She was aware she was setting herself up for answers she wouldn't like, but she needed to know. She didn't want to admit her feelings unless Gilbert was sure of his.

"Your heart should tell you the answer." She said softly, not breaking any eye-contact. She never saw genuine fear in his eyes until that moment.

"It should."

"And what is it saying?"

Gilbert panicked. He didn't know what it was saying anymore. He had given his heart to Anne so many times and she always shut him down. 

So he dodged the question, "It's saying I need to listen to my head for exams tomorrow."

Anne was taken back. She expected some sort of real answer. Gilbert had always been so open about his feelings with her. She thought she broke that barrier, "Oh, right."

"Do you want to go study?" He scratched the back of his neck. Despite not telling her the absolute truth, he didn't want to break the olive branch she extended to him. He just wanted to at least be friends again.

Anne nodded and chose her words carefully, "I would love to."

--

A/N

I just wrote the next chapter for Thursday and I have to say I really like it