𝐒𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄

chapter twenty-one

The ride back to the house was silent with Alex looking everywhere but Clayton's expectant face. She bit her lip and occasionally closed her eyes, wanting to forget what he had just told her.

Clayton felt a deep regret building within him. By admitting his feelings he had ruined any possibility of a relationship with her. He came off too strong and had just pushed her away. He was angry with her for ignoring him and choosing to just go back. He was angry of himself for, despite knowing the complete seriousness of his words, had admitted to Alex something that she was not ready to hear.

Once they got back the silence and tension only grew leading to feelings of suffocation brewing within both parties. Alex busied herself with her laptop but gave up once she couldn't pick up a network signal. She wandered off and eventually found him rummaging through a box of old photographs in the den.

He felt her presence and breathed in deeply, internally preparing rebuttals for the confrontation to come ahead. Instead Alex sat down next to him, relaxed her head on his shoulder and looked at the pictures he was holding.

"Is that you and your sister?"she asked taking the photograph in her hands.

"Yes,"he answered emotionlessly.

Alex read the reverse of the picture out loud with a small smile,"Jules and Clay. Age ten and five."

Clayton's irritation with her increased. He snatched the picture, piling whatever he had take out back into the box, and stood up.

"Wait,"she tugged on his arm,"Can we just talk about this?"

"Now you want to talk? Alex you ignored me the entire way here,"he pointed out removing her arm carefully. An act that was small, but made Alex feel greatly rejected.

"I know and I'm sorry. It was a shock,okay,"she exclaimed,"I mean this weekend wasn't supposed to be anything serious Clayton. We both...feel certain things for each other and this was the solution. One weekend to get it all out of our system. What did you think was gonna happen once we get back? You have a girlfriend for crying out loud."

"You can't just tell me you might love me and expect me to just go along with it. That wasn't part of the deal."

Clayton felt more blindsided than hurt by her words. She was being logical and he was just living out a fantasy. He couldn't get ahead of himself and forget that their time together was limited. And clearly Alex wanted it to stay that way.

"You're right,"he admitted feeling more despondent than he'd like,"Forget I said anything."

Alex shook her head and was about to explain herself more when he abruptly left. She felt like an asshole for making him feel like his feelings weren't justified when in fact he had a right to feel however he wanted. She decided to just give him space and she figured she also needed some time to herself.

The bedroom door had been closed since their argument and Alex accepted that it was her turn to sleep on the couch. She was restless. For some reason, having Clayton admit she was right, was hurtful. How fickle was his 'love' if he could give up so easily? What was the point of saying all of that if he was going to give up so easily? How dare he bring that up out of no where and retract his statement just as suddenly? Who did he think he was?

Alex, filled with anger and annoyance, barged into the room preparing to tell him off, but halting when she saw him relaxing on the bed, reading a book. It was so strange; as if she was watching a documentary about a rare type of animal. The bedside lamp cast a golden haze over him and if he hadn't removed his glasses to look at her, she might not have recognized him.

"What do you want Alex?"he asked shutting the book.

Alex thought about that. What did she want? What did she want most, right at that moment, no inhibitions, no hesitations?

"You,"she answered simply,"You."

Clayton didn't show any sign of response so Alex slowly walked up to him and sat on the bed.

"I want to be with you even though there's a million reasons for me not to. I want to be able to call you mine, and mine only. I want to be with the man that never backs down when I challenge him. The man who protected me when I treated him like crap. The man who fascinates me everytime I see him, whether it's knowing how to make spaghetti or reading Shakespeare or not knowing how to swim,"Alex laughed lightly remembering earlier,"I haven't felt this strongly about someone in a very long time and it's scary. And nerve wracking. And overwhelming. But that's how I know it's real."

"Look Clayton I know I freaked out earlier. I made you feel like your feelings were invalid and I apologize for that. It's just that when you acknowledge your feelings for me, it forces me to come to terms with mine. And that's always been a challenge for me. Especially when I'm beginning to feel the same."

Clayton searched her eyes and was met with only sincerity and slight desperation. He really didn't know how she felt because one minute she was affectionate and the next she'd push him away. He wasn't going to tolerate the back and forth anymore. She had to make up her mind now.

"What are you saying Alex?"he asked still maintaining his cold and stoic demeanor.

"I want us to be together. We owe it to ourselves to give this a shot."

Clayton was surprised, happy and confused all at once,"Are you sure?"

Alex sighed, smiled at him and leaned in for a soft kiss. In that moment, the only that mattered was him. Not the company. Or their family history. Or the fact that he had a girlfriend. It was just about them, and Alex made her choice accordingly.

Clayton smiled into their kiss, bringing his hand into her hair, letting it cascade down her back. Alex pulled away and ran her hand along the outline of his lips. He was so beautiful, inside and out, she thought.

"Miss Alexandra Cohen will you do this boy who can't swim, the honour of calling you his?"Clayton asked with a cheesy smile. Alex visibly cringed and nodded with a small laugh.

"But you never know, maybe when I'm done with you, I'll be able to teach you how to swim,"Alex replied jokingly.

Clayton scoffed and teasingly pecked her lips. He flipped them over, earning himself a squeal from her,"I think I have a few things to teach you first though."

Alex smirked,"Is that so?"

Clayton laughed, switching the lamp off, sensing that whatever was to follow required the lights to be off.