Nympholepsy |18+ Mature|{COMPLETED}The Original Sin Series

Never Be The One

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     Reeds' POV

"How was your day?" Bria asks casually as we sit at the dinner table eating chicken and dumplings.

"It was good. You?" My tone is entirely too bland, but I'm somewhere else. I can't even muster up enough energy to pretend to be present in the conversation.

"It was okay. Are you okay? You seem... distracted."

"I'm fine." She sighs and sips her wine.

"We talked about this, Bellamy, you have to talk to me. Let me in." She caresses my hand and I place my free one over hers.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm fine, okay?" I stand swiftly and plant a chaste kiss on her mouth before retiring to the bedroom.

"No! You can't just charm your way out of this!" She yells, storming in behind me. "This was the same problem we had when we first got married, you isolate yourself." She finds me and holds my head, pulling me down to sit beside her. "Be here with me, Bell."

"I'm fine. I've said it already." She releases me with tears swimming in her eyes, and she chews on her tongue. She stands, making her way to the dresser, then she pushes it forward, retrieving the only 2 things left of my old life: a silk red blindfold and a black paddle with the derogatory word 'WHORE' carved in thick red letters. My heart plummets to my stomach.

"Mind explaining?" She stands with the items in her hands, a look of disgust written in her face.

"No." A long time fear surfaces, she's figuring it out. She tosses them to me.

"Why not?" She snaps.

"Because you wouldn't understand, Bri."

"What, understand you?"

"Precisely."

"Wow, and here I thought-" she sighs, defeated. "Nevermind."

"I'm sorry, okay? I just don't want to think about my past." Because it makes me think of every dirty thing I'd do to Novalie. Especially if I am to be the same man as I was before. No. I can't risk that.

"We've been together all these years and I've never known about this or anything really. Maybe I'm an idiot for thinking we could live like that." I hate I'm hurting her. Hurting her, hurts me. I want to spare her.

"Bria, it doesn't matter okay?" Her eyes find mine.

"It does to me. Have I even been pleasing you with my kind of sex all these years?" I want to say yes, but she's very limited. Aside from only having sex with me a few times a month she's never even tasted my cock. She only does 3 positions and her libido is the lowest I've ever experienced. I don't want to insult her. But if it was up to me I'd fuck her 4 times a day, in any position she could get in, and I'd fuck her mouth until she had tears leaking from her eyes and was choking.

"You're fine in bed, Bria. Like I said, it's in my past."

"Fine? And how is it in your past if you're keeping this stuff?" She screams, lashing out. Pissing me off further.

"Want to know the truth, Bria? If I could have it my way I'd tie you up and whip you on your most intimate parts until you we're crying, begging and pleading me to stop! I'd turn your ass red every time you did something to piss me off or disobey me! You would kneel before me, worship me at my feet! But I know that it's not your thing so I've come to terms with that!" I shout at her, thrusting my hand through my hair. Great, now she's crying harder.

"So you want to hurt me?" She sobs.

"Yes, Bria, I did. Not anymore. You can't be that and you know it." I exhale, and take her hand in mine. She snatches it back and rubs her eyes. "I'm sorry, Bria, but you wanted to know."

"Do you need that? Can you live happily without it?" I wish I could say 'No, I don't. I could hold back my urges but never be satisfied with it.'

Instead, I settle with, "I have so far."

"Then I don't want to hear about it again. Bellamy, I want you done with this. How would a life like that even look like? Me being scared of you? You hurting me?" She sits on my lap with her hand caressing my face. "I love you, but I don't want to be scared of you." She'll never know how much she broke my heart in that moment, because she doesn't trust me enough to know I wouldn't do anything she couldn't handle.