EVERMORE, natasha romanoff

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

XXXI. UNSUCCESSFUL GAMES

"I can't even look at you right now Natasha!" Amara yells, closing her eyes and placing her fingers on her temples.

"I'm sorry," Natasha says, hanging her head down. "But it was so worth it."

"I'm leaving," Amara says in anguish, standing from her chair.

"Mom!" Maddison says. "Don't!"

"I can't look at you either. You were in on it!"

"Mama just blocked your road, it's not that big of a deal," Maddison says, as Natasha sticks out her tongue, waving the longest road card.

"Okay," Maddison says. "You two are not allowed to play Catan anymore." She looks at Amara. "You have threatened to leave twice," She turns to Natasha. "You broke a chair."

"That was last week," Natasha says. "And not at all related." She crosses her arms. Maddison nods disapprovingly and leaves.

"You two sort it out but don't get too touchy," She points at her eyes with two fingers and back at them. She walked to her room and sighed as she flopped onto her bed. She had little glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, ones she never had when she was little, and she always wanted them.

"Hey," Amara says, leaning against the doorway. "you good?"

"yeah, I just miss her," Maddison says, tears prickling at her eyes.

"Can I come in?" Amara asks gently. Maddison nods and Amara moves her feet so she can sit. "It's okay to miss her. You can miss her for as long as you want, and it's okay. She was important to you. I like to think of it like this. She'll always be in your heart, right? Sometimes she'll want to hang out with you, and that makes you sad and miss her. But you get older, and so does she. She'll want to come out less, but she'll still be there. It gets better with time, I promise."

"Who did you lose?" Maddison asks. Amara pats her leg.

"Oh, I've lost a lot of people Maddison," Amara says. "The most recent one was my mom. She passed away a few months ago, I got a call from her boyfriend or something, telling me she was gone. I wasn't invited to the funeral."

"I'm sorry," Maddison says. "Did you tell Natasha?"

"Yeah, Did you tell Natasha?" Natasha asks with her arms crossed across her chest, her eyebrows raised. "Why didn't you tell Natasha?"

"I-" Amara says. She turns to Maddison with a sigh. "I have to go, it was nice talking to you." Maddison smiles sarcastically and mouths good luck to Amara. She walks out of the bedroom and into their own, Natasha closing the door behind them.

"You need to tell me things," Natasha says. "Or this won't work."

"I'm sorry, I thought it wasn't that big of a deal."

"It was a big deal! You weren't invited to your mother's funeral. That's a big deal!" Natasha says. she raises her arms in questioning.

"I wouldn't have been able to go anyway," Amara says. "And yes, I should've told you, but I was still trying to comprehend it and I didn't really know what to do. I shouldn't miss her, but I do and-" She was trying really hard not to cry. She closed her eyes and used one hand to press on her temples.

"I just wish you would've told me," Natasha says. "But it's okay."

"I'm an open book from now on. I promise."

"thank you," Natasha says. She pulls Amara into a hug, kissing the top of her head. "And it's okay not to be okay."

☾☼☽

Dressed in black, Amara wrapped an arm protectively around Maddison, who was crying quietly. The funeral service was beautiful, she deserved it, for being such an amazing woman. Natasha squeezed Maddison's hand, letting her know she was there as the girl's mother walked towards her.

"Hello Sharon," Maddison says, making the woman's face drop.

"He's not your son," Sharon says to the two women, who both had protective arms around their girl.

"You're right, she's not," Natasha spits, giving the woman a dirty look. "She's your daughter, and you can't accept that."

"What are you wearing Nathan?" Sharon asks Maddison, who smiles.

"Clothing, Sharon, and my name is Maddison. It was legally changed a few weeks ago, so I don't understand why you don't understand."

"I raised a boy."

"So?" Amara says. "Do you remember when you were pregnant and you didn't know the gender, did you care? Did you say: we don't care if it's a boy or a girl, we're gonna love it either way? Why is it different now?"

"I-"

"Hey, mom?" A girl says. "Maddison?"

"Hey Audrey," Maddison says.

"Mom, mama," Maddison says, pointing to them. "This is my sister, Audrey." Natasha shakes Audrey's hand, a smile on her face.

"Hey," Audrey says. "Mom, I'm gay. If you can't accept that, I'll move in with my girlfriend. I'm not saying you have to accept Maddison right away, we just want you to try."

"It's hard," Natasha says. "But you have to try." Natasha wraps her arm back around Maddison, Amara squeezes her hand. "You ready?" Natasha asks quietly.

"Yeah," Maddison says. They exit the church and get into the car, Natasha drives them into a sonic, and all is good for a while.

☾☼☽

Amara was sitting on the couch, reading a book when Maddison came into the living room and placed her head in Amara's lap. Amara began absent-mindedly playing with the girl's hair. It was raining outside, the clouds from the new york city skyline were casting a silvery glow inside the apartment. The smell of tea that was positioned on the side table of the couch filled the air, allowing a sweet honey scent to waft through the air.

Natasha padded across the floor and sunk down onto the couch on the other side of Amara sighing and resting her head on her fiance's chest.

"Aww," Amara says. "Is somebody jealous?"

"Possibly," Natasha says, Amara brushed through Natasha's scarlet hair with her fingers with a slight, breathy chuckle.

And this, Amara, realized, is exactly what she wanted. To have her girls, close by, holding onto her. It was beautiful, perfect. She wanted a family like this, something she hadn't ever gotten in her life. It was an unmatched love that she had for these women, and it was enough for her.