a rose by any other name

chapter twenty-nine ❃ cedric diggory

I climbed the last step and smiled when I found the tower empty, I went and sat where I usually did, with my back against the railings. I closed my eyes appreciating the warm July breeze and I was instantly taken back to the last time I was here, at the start of the school year. The best kiss I shared with Cedric, the last kiss I had shared with Cedric. Then it all went wrong, and he left the tower, not even being able to look at me, because I was evil. I remembered the things he had said to me that night; 'This is, this is over. I-I can't believe you would do this.' The look of pure horror on his face when I came closer to him, the look in his eyes when he whispered; 'G-Get away from me.' My heart dropped as if it was actually happening all over again and I started crying. I hadn't cried in months, not since my friends had first left me, I hadn't felt able too, but now I felt overwhelmed with the amount of tears I was crying, I had unknowingly been holding them back like a flood gate, and now the gate was opening and I couldn't force it back shut. My life had changed so drastically in the last year, this time last year I was still getting used to having the mark, I was so unhappy then, but it was even worse now. I felt sick and my arm was burning, I wasn't being called though I looked at it to make sure, it was still a faded red and it wasn't turning black, so I was fine. It just felt like it was on fire, I wanted it gone, I wanted it off. In rage, through my tears I scratched forcefully at the mark and stifled a scream when my nails broke the skin, I didn't stop though and I just kept going, watching the blood run down my left arm. I stopped, I needed to get my feelings out but not like this. I winced and removed my tie wrapping it around the mark, it looked better now you couldn't see it, I could pretend it wasn't there. The blood seeped through my tie, but I ignored it and pulled some parchment and my quill out instead. I was going to write a letter, to my father, wherever he was;

-

Dear Father,

I have been told not to try to contact you, but I need to. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you coming back? Why haven't you spoken to me about Mother? I needed you and I still need you and you haven't even given anyone a message for me. I know were not close, but my mother died, she died, and you haven't said a word to me about it. Haven't asked me how I am or even tried comforted me.

Everybody hates me because of you, and you haven't even apologised, my life is ruined and I'm miserable because of you. I'm sure you will be pleased to know that Draco and I have managed to fix the cabinet, whatever The Dark Lord's plans are I'm sure they will go to plan with the cabinet if it's that important. Why don't you tell me anything? Why don't you speak to me? You're supposed to be helping me get through this, but you haven't done anything. Severus was the one who had to tell me for Merlin's sake, a teacher. You forced me away from Hogwarts to get my Dark Mark but when my mother died, I had to stay there for the summer. You've put me in danger, and you can't even say hello, let me know you're alive.

Well anyway, I'm alive and serving The Dark Lord like I know you'd want me to, I'm sure you're so proud. I hope to hear back from you.

Yours Faithfully, your daughter, Parisa.

-

I was angry and I was still crying uncontrollably, the tie on my arm was completely stained in blood it was actually dripping so I just ripped it off. I stood up and called for the Rosier owl, the owlery wasn't far and I knew she'd heard me when she came swooping towards the tower. I stroked her gently and folded the letter placing it into her beak. "Try to deliver this to father, if you can't find him drop it into the sea." She bowed her head and made a noise of acknowledgment before flying off into the night. I hated myself for doing that, I didn't want him to receive it I had been angry, I still was angry, but he didn't need to know. I sighed, it was too late now, and I'd probably pay for that later if he ever answered, or he might not even get it, I hoped it didn't reach him. I cried harder and I remembered Cedric again, as I stood against the railings and remembered when he had been stood in this exact place, terrified of me. I looked down and considered my options. I could make it all end right now; it could all be over. The pain, the suffering, the burning all of it, over in seconds, I doubted many people would care. I couldn't do that though, I had to fight, for Cedric at least, I couldn't give up on him and I couldn't do that to Draco either, I don't know what I would do if I had to deal with this without Draco going through most of it with me, I couldn't leave him alone in this like that. My thoughts were interrupted when someone spoke from behind me. I held my breath to stop my sob from escaping, "Parisa, Is that you?" I recognized the voice immediately, I let the sob break free; "Cedric g-go away." I didn't want him to, but I didn't want him to see me like this either, I stayed facing away from him but turned my head slightly to look at him, I watched him as he cautiously moved closer to me with a strange expression on his face, he looked like he was fighting with himself in his head. "No, we, we need to talk Ris." I turned around when he called me Ris, confused, he never called me that, he said it was too 'friendly' for him to call me, I sobbed again as I assumed he was telling me he'd moved on, he was definitely the kind of person to tell someone formally they had moved on to make it easier for them. I wanted to get this over with so I spoke before he could, "I understand Cedric, if you've moved on that's fine, I understand why you hate me, Merlin everybody hates me, even I hate me. You deserve so much better than me just go it's fine our feelings about me are mutual, I should just save everybody and end it, I'm dangerous and I'm evil." Cedric looked at me, pained and his eyes widened when he noticed my arm, his eyes darted between my bleeding arm and the blood-soaked tie on the floor. To my surprise he immediately ran over to me and grabbed my arm, he winced and grabbed a tissue out of his robes, wiping away the blood and then examining the mark. "What did you do? Parisa why would you do this to yourself?" I think Cedric noticed now how close he was to me as he looked up at me, he didn't move away but instead he touched the mark on my arm "You wanted it gone didn't you?" He said, his voice breaking, and I didn't say anything I just nodded. Cedric surprised me even further when he grabbed me and hugged my tightly. I was hesitant at first, sure this was a joke or something, but when his only response was just to hug me even tighter still, I let myself relax and melt into his arms. "Please promise me you will never do that again." I sobbed into his chest and he grabbed me by the tops of my arms and held me in front of him. "Promise me." He said sternly, looking directly into my eyes. "I-I promise." I said quietly and he hugged me again. I was very confused but I was not about to question him, I wanted to but I couldn't ruin this right now, I knew in probably ten minutes he was going to realise what he's doing and push me away disgusted that he even touched me let alone comforted me.