a rose by any other name

chapter twenty-one ❃ the vanishing cabinet

I hated myself. I hated everything even more now, my parents, The Dark Lord, being at 'home', being anywhere. I had, had The Dark Mark for 2 weeks and I was sick of it, sick of having to go to him whenever he wanted, I was sick of the pain. Every time Voldemort called us, I hated referring to us as a whole, as the same, but we were, we were all just part of him now, and every time he wanted us my arm burst into flames again, it was never as bad as it was the night of the initiation, but it was bad enough. I would never forget pain like that. The night after the ritual Draco had gone home with his parents and I with mine. We hadn't spoken that much, Draco and I, only when Voldemort called a meeting, we would go straight to each other for comfort. Though I could tell Draco was actually quite enjoying it, he always referred to it as being chosen, he hadn't wanted it at all but now he actually had it he was 'finding the positives in the situation' as he had told me before we left Hogwarts. I missed Hogwarts so much, the Rosier Manor was gloomy and empty, the house elves were nasty and never wanted to speak to me. I had forbidden myself to think about the only thing I wanted to, the thing I wanted the most. I hated myself, and I knew that everybody at Hogwarts except for maybe Draco and Snape would hate me too if they knew. Neither me nor Draco had spoken to anyone there, not even Pansy, neither of us had heard from anybody their either. We were going to return there in seven months, when the new school year started. We would be starting our fifth year, not that it mattered very much our futures had already been decided. We would have to sit the O.W.L's this year, and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to focus on studying when all I could think about was when the next time Voldemort would call us again would be. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in the next seven months, my dad was still trying to locate the other half of the vanishing cabinet so he was rarely home, and my mum had started helping him meaning she was always busy following up possible leads that came up when he was already out. I spent most of my time alone in my room. I'd re-read most of my books from the Wizarding World and had now started sneakily reading my muggle books, I wasn't quite sure what would happen if my parents found them, but I wasn't going to try and find out so I only read them after they had left.

- 7 Months Later –

It had been months since I got The Dark Mark, and I loathed it even more with every passing day. I honestly couldn't tell you what I had done in the past seven months because I hadn't done anything. It had been the longest seven months of my life, the only people I had seen had been Death Eaters, it was driving me insane. I was not the same as them, I would never be as evil as them, I wouldn't allow myself to be. Me and Draco hadn't been given a task from The Dark Lord yet, he said since we were both so young whatever he did give us, he would give us together. I was glad at this, from the things I'd known my dad had to do in the past I didn't want to have that much responsibility, because I knew if I was given the task to murder someone, I would not be able to do it. It was reassuring to know that whatever evil thing I was supposed to do, he would have to do it too, we were in this together. Draco's excitement for his Dark Mark had not worn off, it had only got worse. He complained about not being given a task yet and was offended and not grateful that he had called us too young, although I do believe that he was as grateful as I was that we were in this together.

The Hogwarts Express was set to leave Platform 9 and ¾ at 9am sharp tomorrow. Voldemort had called a meeting but this time it was only for Me, Draco, our parents and Snape. I wasn't surprised when I first saw Snape at a Death Eater meeting, he had always been so dark. We all knew he longed for the Professor of Dark Arts position, and we all knew he preferred Slytherins over Gryffindor's, or any other house for that matter any day. On many occasions Snape had helped me and my friends when we got into trouble or when we were behind on our schoolwork. He didn't shout at us or take points from Slytherin like he did to Gryffindor. So here we were, in the Malfoy Manor all sat around the usual meeting table. The Dark Lord was at the head of the table, me, Draco and Snape were on one side, with our parents on the other. "I have called you all here today because as you know, Draco and Parisa, you will be returning to Hogwarts tomorrow, with Snape too of course. As I'm sure you all also know, Felix here (Parisa's father.) has been looking for the other half of the vanishing cabinet in Borgin and Burkes. Brilliantly, he has managed to locate it and it just happens to be where we need it. In Hogwarts itself." Me and Draco looked at each other confused, we had never seen it before, I couldn't even think where it could be, "This year I have a task for you two," Voldemort looked at us now and we quickly turned to look at him and away from each other. "Unfortunately, the half of the cabinet In Hogwarts is broken. I need you two to fix it. I need it fixed by this time next year" I nodded but Draco beside me spoke, "Of course your lord, H-How do we fix it?" Voldemort grinned, "I am so grateful for your enthusiasm Draco, all you two need to do is use the Incantation used for the repair process, it is called Harmonia Nectere Passus. It will be a long and difficult process, but I know that you two will not let me down. It is vital that you fix it, if you do not succeed there will be consequences. The Vanishing Cabinet is located in The Room of Requirement so it will be easy for you two, and only you two, to get to." Me and Draco gulped in unison "We will not let you down my lord" I said, I didn't speak often at meetings, but I wasn't stupid, I knew I had a role to play. "Severus, I would like you to watch over Parisa and Draco as they fulfil their duty, please aid them in getting the time to do such a task." Snape nodded, "Of course your Lord, I will ensure they do not let you down." Voldemort grinned at all of us and nodded, "Well, if all is in order, you are dismissed."

We all left the meeting hall, me and my family were staying over at the Malfoy's as both me and Draco had to be at the station so early the next morning and The Malfoy Manor was closer. Our parents were talking downstairs and Draco and I were in his room. I loved Draco's bedroom, I had been in it countless amounts of times throughout our childhood. His walls were a deep emerald green with dark oak wood floors, he had a king sized four poster bed in the middle of the room with emerald and silver sheets, there were windows on either side of the bed that had black and silver curtains hanging in front of them. One of the walls were covered in pictures of him in his quidditch uniform and other pictures of all of us together, it was so cosy and obviously a true Slytherin bedroom. Draco was led out on the head of the bed and I was sat crossed legged on the end, in the middle we had a few books open and were studying the Harmonia Nectere Passus Incantation. We couldn't find out much about it even in a book written by Borgin himself. We soon gave up and I shut the book I was reading and looked at Draco, "We're never going to be able to do this" I said as he looked up from the book he was reading and at me, "Well we have to at least try, well actually no, we have to do it. I do not want to find out what will happen if we fail him on our first task." I sighed and laid back on the bed, "We should practice with something like birds, they'll be easy to get and they're small so we can sneak them in" He said, "But won't they die, until we fix it?" I said, I didn't want to kill anything. "Parisa, unless you want us to practice on you, I really don't see what other choice we have." I sighed and nodded my head, "Fine, look I'm going to bed my head hurts already and we have to be up early." I stood up and gathered the books that were mine before saying goodnight and heading towards one of the spare rooms. Once in there, I put my books back into my trunk and got ready for bed.

I was excited to go back home of course; I had been missing Hogwarts every day I had been away. But going back to Hogwarts meant I had to face him. I didn't know if I could, I would have to lie to him about why we couldn't be together. If I couldn't even think about him how was I supposed to see him everyday? I hadn't let myself think about him for the past seven months. I knew I had to move on but how was I supposed to? I could force him out of my thoughts here, but I couldn't stop myself from seeing him. We shared classes, we went to dinner at the same times, we went to the same school for Merlin's sake. I let myself think about him now, Cedric Diggory. My Romeo. My Star-Crossed Lover. I longed to know how he was feeling right now, I hoped he was managing to move on, I hoped when we went back to school, he just treated me like he would of before, before we kissed, or even spoke. I hoped he just paid me no attention. But secretly, secretly I was hoping he wouldn't. I was still wishing he would just understand, I wasn't going to tell him but I wanted him to find out somehow, I wanted him to see it by accident or hear me and Draco talking about it, and then come running up to me and tell me that he understands and that he still wants me. No, I knew that would never happen, I knew that never could happen, it wouldn't only put myself in danger, but it would put him in danger. My very presence would put Cedric in danger, I had to protect him, from The Dark Lord and therefor from me. I couldn't be selfish. Even if all I wanted to do was find Cedric and lay in his arms and just be able to forget all this Death Eater business altogether, I just wanted it all to go away, I wanted The Dark Mark gone and I wanted Cedric Diggory back. I thought about this as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

authors note: she's finally going back! I just planned out the whole fifth and sixth year in more detail and I am so excited to write it, I am also excited for the seventh year but haven't quite decided what exactly is going to happen only the basics. As you can tell I have changed things slightly from the books but I hope it still makes sense with the story! Again, thank you so much for reading and please VOTE!!!!