This isn't happening.
I don't want to do this.
There is a terrible feeling when you bite into human flesh for the first time. It has this salty taste, like undercooked pork. Disgusting. You imagine yourself in the other person's shoes. Especially if they are still alive.
I wish it wasn't her.
You wonder what it is like to be them right now. To be suffering. To know pain. My muscles are not my own. The Gray has me tight. My brain no longer listens to my commands. But it still reports back to me with every sin I commit. Every scream she can't hold back as the Gray uses my body to hold her down and tear her apart strip by strip.
I am so sorry.
*Crunch*
Disgusting.
Why...why must it be like this?
I don't want to die.
I try to force myself to end it even though I am not in control. But then there is a voice inside my head. One which sounds an awful lot like me.
Neither do I...
#
The truth is that in this world, power is an illusion. You think you have power over your life. You think going to school and studying hard will make you successful. You think afterwards you will go to work in an office to make lots of money and that will make you happy. You think one day you will have enough and that will let you die. All of this is untrue. The truth is that things happen.
People die.
For most that is the end. For those taken by the virus, it is unfortunately not. That is what makes the virus so scary. It takes away the one thing we all thought we would have.
It takes away death.
Our world was not always like this. Before the pandemic, I was a world class athlete. People thought I had it all. I disagreed, I was never more lonely. Every day at the gym, working the bag, grappling with trainers, teaching myself to master my body. It made me hard, and it made me physically strong. I was born and bred for a war. But it wasn't the war I wanted to fight.
I couldn't relate to people. Had so few friends I might as well not have had a phone. It looked like I was winning, but inside, I was slowly dying. I wanted things to change.
Over a black star, I wished for the world to change during the new year.
It was a mistake.
I should have wished for the world to change for the better. Instead...it became like this after New Years Eve, 2021. Now in this world of endless violence, I am truly alone. I tried so hard to save everyone. I thought I had this power. The truth is I can't save anyone. I can die over and over but one day, just like everyone else, I will die no more. For I will become one with the Gray. And then...perhaps I will no longer be alone.
Maybe I shouldn't be running from death.
#
"Hey, you alive?"
"Hah!" I surge up from my terrible dreams like I can escape the future they hold for me if I just open my eyes. That's impossible though. Whatever twisted nightmares await me are unavoidable. That is the only thing I know for sure.
Despite all my power, you cannot escape the inevitable.
Eventually, you...will...break.
