Meadow Of Roses (Dazai x reader)

Scared

Y/N
——
(Memory)

My thoughts still in shambles as we continue dancing. We start twirling on the dance floor, this reminds me of the pictures in Elise's stories so much.

With your brain also spinning, your usual organized self gone, you look for a way out. You truly love dancing with Dazai, but you want your brain to stop for a moment. You look for Chuuya who's sitting at the bar talking to the bar tender. You don't know how to leave in a middle of a dance, after all you've never done a dance.

"Dazai.. Didn't Chuuya say he wanted to dance with me as well?" You ask.
"Ah yes he did." Dazai says looking for Chuuya.
"Should I go with him..?" You ask.
He looks at Chuuya than his eyes all of sudden more serious locks into your e/c eyes.

"Y/n, remember how I said, you interest me?" Dazai begins, you nod.
"Well that also means I don't like it when other guys share that same interest in you." Dazai says in a very serious tone. Your heart skips a beat, making you slip.

Before you can have the unimaginable happen, Dazai catches you gracefully making it look like part of the dance. You now in his arms,
"So y/n let's stay like this for while." Dazai says with you in his arms, his tone more flirty now with a soft smile. You extremely flustered, just nod, as he gently lifts you back up and continue dancing.

Others stare at you guys in awe because of how graceful you guys are. You are left speechless after what Dazai has said. You just continued dancing, praying you don't fall again.

"I'm so happy, today I got see more emotions from you!" Dazai says with a smile, you're left confused with what he just said,
"I'm sorry I don't understand." You admit.
"Well usually your so quiet I barely can even remember your voice! But today you even went out of your way to ask me questions! It made me so happy to see you opening up to me." He explains.

Him saying that made you let out a smile, you loosen up again.
"Oh I see.." you say smiling but looking to the side embarrassed.
You're opening up to him more, without even realizing it. Just like that.
What is this..?

"I'd like to understand you more too...." You admit,
What are you thinking?!! You've never say things about yourself to others!! What's happening!!

You feel as if anything that comes to your mind is just going to spill to Dazai right now. You want to escape before something worse happens, you want to run and hide, but you know Dazai won't let you.

"Haha really? That makes me so happy!" Dazai says, you smile at his soft expression,  but inside you're exploding.

If this is love... Why is it so harsh? Why does it make me feel so many emotions? Why..?

After a few more twirls, the music slowly fades out and everyone starts finishing their last conversations. The party is ending. Dazai does one final twirl with you.
Until he gracefully finishes your dance.

A few people watched and even cheered.
You look to the side embarrassed. Dazai takes your hand and wraps it around his arm. You guys leave the dance floor.

You look back for Chuuya,
"Y/n if you're looking for Chuuya, he's right there. Drunk." Dazai says with laugh.
You look for Chuuya until you see him, his cheeks red, him smiling and laughing. You look at him with worry in your eyes.

"Should we take him home?" You ask Dazai.
Dazai still laughing, shakes his head,
"Nope. It more funny if he stays like this. Besides he's so drunk he won't remember what even happened tonight." Dazai explains.

"Oh." You say, seeing Chuuya start pouring himself another drink, the bar tender shaking his head at him.

You leave with Dazai. He takes you to your room.
Once your at the door, he releases your arm, gentle holds your hand and kisses it. Just like in a princess book. You blush but for some reason don't explode with emotion, probably because you know it's a proper thing to do so it doesn't really hit that hard.

"Thank you Dazai. You made me feel so special tonight." You say, admitting to the princess like feeling you felt tonight.
"Of course. I'm glad. I want to show you more to life. Your life seems so small right now. I want to show you more to life than this little darkness in the Port Mafia." Dazai explains.

You feel as if timed froze in that moment.
Darkness? More to life? That's something I've always wanted to know. How does he know that's what I want. That's what I crave.

Is this another kind of warmth I've always wanted? How do you know this Dazai..?
You just stare at Dazai, more thoughts running through your mind.

"Dazai why do you want to show me this? What does it matter to you?" You manage to say, there's so many other questions, but you don't want to fully let Dazai into your mind. Just yet.

"Y/n, I don't know how else to explain this to you but when I'm with you, I want to make you happy. I want to understand you and make you happy. Do you get it now?"Dazai explains gently.

You just stare at him. You're at a lost for words. Your mind having even that much more thoughts.
"Take care y/n, I'm glad I got to make you happy." Dazai says, giving you one last smile before he turns and leaves.

You go into your room, shutting the door behind you, you fall back leaning on the door, now falling to your knees.
You put your hands on your face trying to shut down all these thoughts.

What is this..? What is this feeling..? My heart can't stop pounding... it hurts in a way but I love it... I've never had so much of my own personal feelings... I've never even expressed my thoughts and feelings to others so much... I've never been so eager to asks questions... I've never felt so special with someone.. what are these feelings...
what am I doing..? This isn't wrong is it..? It doesn't feel wrong... but what is this...

You can't stop thinking about Dazai's words to you, and everything he said tonight.
"Dazai... do you really mean what you said?" You ask aloud. You slowly move your hands away from you face. You sit on the floor, leaning against the door.

"Mother... what is this feeling..? Is this love..? Do I accept it?" You ask aloud.
You know you like Dazai at this point.

Your confused on why you like him though,  out of everyone you've met.... Why Dazai..?
You're confused on whether or not you should accept his love back.

You don't know if he's just playing with you or if he's serious. You want to accept it but you're scared. Your worried your going to put so much love into him and than he'll just throw you out like your father. You don't want to repeat those days.

"What should I do?" You ask aloud.
Of course you're not getting an answer...
This is for you to decide.
"And what would happen than? How do I tell him?" You ask. You have no parent to ask, you have no one for advice. No one can help you. This is your decision.
"Dazai.... do you really love me too..?"