"Open Eyes" (Merlin X Snow White )/Art Gallery

The Promise

Chapter 18: 

 The promise

Snows Pov

As the carriage came to a stop and my body swayed forward, there was a feeling of emptiness inside my stomach. It felt cold, hollow, and bare as if all food inside had vanished. My stomach felt like it was waiting for something- something wet, that was sluggish yet warm. I assumed my stomach awaited for Merlin's sad mushy words to sink inside and settle.

All of my scenes had sharpened and were fired up from Merlin's story, sending my body into an anxious state. Everything felt too much.

The once soft seats of the carriage felt harsh like hay scratching at your skin making me hold my waist instead, though my back still itched from feeling the material through my dress. The carriage used to have a hint of a metallic smell from my bloodied nightgown, but now I felt queasy from the smell growing thick as if my own face was covered in the bloody smell. 

The shadows in the carriage looked too dark as if more of Merlin's secrets were hiding in the shadows, too scared to come out. In a sickening contrast, light beamed through the curtains of the carriage making things too bright for my eyes leading me to shut them and hold my head from a developing headache.

Merlin's story left me feeling cold at imaging a small helpless child, lost and wandering through a grumpy gray town. As I looked at Merlin's soft round face, I began to imagine a sickly yellow-skinned child with hollowed cheeks. Something like maternal instincts kicked inside me, one that wanted to caress Merlin, to pet his head as if I could make the ugly image go away.

He hadn't said that he was an orphan, but how else would he have been on his own? I had my arms wrapped around Merlin, gripping his clothes trying to hold him as close as possible, yet Merlin was disconnected from me. His golden-rimmed eyes wouldn't look at me, his head would tilt away, making me believe he was brushing me off but I knew he wasn't trying to.

Staring up at him reminded me of myself, It was the same way I had acted when I was younger and would have to retell the story of how my mom died. I didn't want anyone to see my eyes, fearing I would give away my distraught emotions, refusing to even show a flicker of grief.

The poor man was trying to stay strong, still trying to stay strong all on his own even years later. He had his nose up in the air and his eyes looked dead and blank, trying to rush out his story while remaining numb. But very few people could numb out this sort of pain. The pain of feeling abandoned. The pain of feeling alone, so alone that you have no one to love you. That feeling was even more intimidating and frightening when young.

 I couldn't even imagine how Merlin felt like a boy or even felt now. I at least had my dad, but even then as a kid, I couldn't connect to him as I did with my mom.

Merlin's voice sounded strained and wet, with a cry hiding in the back, sounding like it could rip from his mouth at any second. The sound of his clenched teeth was chilling, it sounded like two bones were rubbing together and grinding away, leaving dry powered.

He was too proud to cry, too stubborn, putting up a front of remaining dignified, but it was sad and it hurt to watch him. It was sad to watch someone failing to stay strong, and Merlin had every right to show he was sad. 

It's human nature to feel sad for others, but you wouldn't believe how terrible it gets when you love someone and to see them splintering like a tree that's ready to fall and break. Merlin was splintering, and with every second, it was like I felt those splinters pierced my skin.

Yet he wouldn't break. 

Merlin didn't want to break down in front of me. No matter how heavy he was I wanted to risk being crushed by him, just to catch him when he falls.