Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 4

S4 • E4 - Fair Competition

Blood Gulch
Sarge was addressing the red team

Sarge: "Alright men. Donut. Since Simmons has been demoted for reasons of dementia-"

Simmons: "The tank was real!"

Sarge: "And he's been ordered by the Judge to stay at least two hundred yards away from us-"

Shadow: "Oh come on, that wasn't a real Judge, that was Donut wearing a powdered wig!"

Donut: "Over- huhem, ahuhh," he switched to a deeper voice now. "overruled. Shame on you. Hurr."

Sarge: "We are now holding auditions for the permanent position of Second in Command, here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."

Simmons: "WHAT!?"

Sarge: "And since Simmons is disqualified because of the afore mentioned cuckooness, Shadow because she just got here, and since Grif is ineligible-"

Grif: "Or because I don't wanna compete?"

Sarge: "Because you're ineligible!"

Grif: "No, I just don't want to compete."

Sarge: "Of course you don't, because you're ineligible!"

Grif: He sighs. "Whatever."

Donut: "I guess that means I get the job, because I'm unopposed, which is the same way I got "Most Likely to be Fabulous" in high school."

Sarge: "Actually Donut, I managed to find some other candidates for you to compete against."

Donut: "Huh?"

Sarge: "We've located an old wrench used by Lopez, and this skull of unknown origin. Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries but they didn't make it to the semifinals. Lazy bastards."

Donut: "Hyes. You guys are goin' down. In yo face wrench, in yo face! Take that, bonehead, ha ha ha, woo!"

Sarge: "You will be competing against each other in a series of gruelling events, in order to gain my attention. First up, the obstacle course, Grif! Get the alligators! Shadow! Get your arrows ready!"

Shadow: "Hmm... this might be fun." She runs off to get her arrows.

Grif: "I thought I was ineligible."

Sarge: "To earn my respect, dirtbag. You're still perfectly capable of grunt work."

Simmons: "Oh man, I can't believe this. My life was going exactly as planned. I was second in command of a marginally successful unit, I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me, I had the respect and admiration of all my peers. That was the dream! How did it all go so wrong? How! Hahahahow!? Maybe that stupid tank was just a figment of my imagination."

As if on cue, a certain tank appears on screen.

Sheila: "I don't think so."

Simmons: "Shut up, you ruined my life."

Back at the Wind Facility
Caboose is talking to ...nobody?

Caboose: "I think I will call him Crunchbite."

Andy: "Eh, that's a stupid name."

Caboose: "Uh, well I think it's better than your suggestion. Crouchosaurus?"

Ash, Church, and Tex were walking towards his voice.

Church: "Caboose, who're you talkin' to- HOLY SHIT!"