Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 4

S4 • E8 - Looking for Group

Wind Facility
With the Blues plotting their valiant assault.

Alien: "Blargh blargh blargh, blargh."

Andy: "Then after we cross the Burning Plains of Honka Hill, we're gonna reach the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia."

Caboose: "The Burning Plains are next to the Freezing Plains? I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between."

Tucker: "This is so dumb, I'm not doing this."

Church: "Hey, news flash, you don't have a choice. You're the one that picked up the sword and locked it to yourself!"

Tucker: "I know! And I'm so used to picking up things, and not letting them get attached. ...I'm talkin' about women."

Ash: "We know, yes, we got it."

Tex: "Don't worry Tucker, we're not gonna send you alone."

Tucker: "You're coming with me Tex?"

Tex: "Me? Hell no! This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous."

Tucker: "Well I'm not goin' with Church, that guy's a worse fighter than I am."

Church: Well you're in luck then, because I'm not goin' either.

Tucker: What? Then who?

Caboose: ...

Tucker: "No fuckin' way. I'm not goin' with him. I rather take Ash."

Ash: "Well seeing how you'll probably be dead, I'm coming with."

Tex: "You sure?" She whispered.

Ash: "I'll be back before you know it." He whispered back.

Caboose: "Oh, oh, oh, I hope we meet a Cleric along the way. None of us knows how to heal."

Alien: "Blarhun?"

Andy: "He says he's a healer."

Caboose: "Oh good."

Andy: "Heh heh, not really, they eat their wounded. Heh heh heh."

Caboose: "Just like chiropractors."

Ash: "No Caboose."

Tucker: "This is a joke, right, you're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?"

Church: "What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothin' wrong with me."

Caboose: "Okay, so, um, Tucker and Ash are the fighters, uh, Crunchbite is the healer, and I am the powerful... and intelligent, wizard. Morphumax."

Andy: "What the hell does that make me?"

Caboose: You're the good looking and stealthy archer.

Andy: A bow and arrow- I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!

Caboose: "That is what makes you so stealthy. This is going to be the best party ever."

Tucker: "I'm gonna fuckin' die."

Church: "Hyeah I guess this is it Tucker. Nice knowin' ya."

Tucker: "Hoh, you better hope that I don't die, 'cause if I do, you're the one taking care of my kids."

Church: "You have kids?"

Tucker: "Heheh probably."

Ash then smacks Tucker.

Tucker: "Ow!"

Blood Gulch
Simmons and Sheila were continuing the siege the Salmon Side's structure

Sheila: "Firing main cannon."

Simmons: Yeahah, take that. Suck it Blue- I mean Red! Suck it Blue-uh damn! Red! God, this is harder than I thought.

Grif: "Hey Simmons, what the hell are you doing?"

Simmons: "What does it look like I'm doing, I'm attacking the Blue base. I mean the Red base, fuck!"

Donut: "Defense is established Sarge!"

A tank shell strikes Red Base.

Donut: "Cancel that Sarge, defenses are destroyed." He corrected.

Grif: "Killing our own team huh, that's cool. Hey listen, how long do you expect this whole crazy thing to last?"

Simmons: "I'm not crazy Grif, you just wouldn't listen to me when I said there was a tank."

Grif: "I listened to you."

Simmons: "You told Sarge that there wasn't a tank. There it is, it's a tank!"

Grif: "Oh, you said listen to you, not agree with you. Yeah, I thought that joke was pretty funny, but now Donut's my manager, and everything kinda sucks now."

Simmons: "Well too bad, 'cause this is what you get now you dumb blue bitch. Red bitch, fuck, you know what I mean!"

Sheila: "Firing main cannon."

Sarge: "Great sodium chloride, there goes my chemistry set."

Grif: "Wait where's Shadow?"

Simmons: "At the blue base. Not if you excuse me, I have to kill Sarge."

Grif: "I don't think killing Sarge is much of a punishment for me. Just come back to the base, man. I'll let you boss me around again."

Simmons: "I don't know, I think you're just telling me what I wanna hear."

Grif: "I am, see, it's just like old times! Come on buddy."

Simmons: "Will you help me clean my armor?"

Grif: "How 'bout I promise to help you clean it, but then just convince Donut to do it later?"

Simmons: "Hah, good ol' Grif."

Sarge: "Simmons, is that you?"

Simmons: "Yeah Sarge, but don't worry. We got-"

Sarge: "Simmons, I can understand your going crazy and seein' imaginary tanks!"

Simmons: "The tank is right there for the love of God." He cried pointing at Sheila.

Sarge: "And I can obviously understand why you'd wanna attack your own base."

Simmons: "You can?"

Sarge: "But painting yourself blue? Dear God man, doncha have any shame at all?"

Grif: "Hey Sarge, you should also note that he missed a coupla spots."

Sarge: "Grif, what in Sam Hell are you doin' out there? At least Simmons has the intelligence to formulate a mutinous plan!"

Simmons: "Thank you, sir. I mean suck it Blue! God dammit, I mean Red!"

Sarge: "But you're a slothful idiot! Treason takes effort. I never expected this from you."

Grif: "Ah, up yours."

Sarge: "What was that?"

Grif: "Up yours, sir."

Sarge: "That's better!"