illuminate. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter Five

"You're caught in a cycle

You'll never get out

Afraid of your shadow

And living in doubt

But this isn't over

It's only begun

And there is no honor

In giving it all up."

~*~*~*~

The S.H.I.E.L.D. Chalet. The Austrian Alps. November 2016.

Bucky's eyes fluttered open, the chill in the air woke him. You might have kicked off the blankets in the middle of the night as you tended to do sometimes. You loved to bundle up in the blankets and cuddle. Bucky was all too happy to hold you and be held after being deprived of human contact for years. But, once you got too warm, the covers came off. He blinked a few times to clear his vision. Observing his surroundings, he noticed the sun was rising. Bright clear rays of light peeked over the mountain tops. Soon the newly fallen snow would sparkle like diamonds. Bucky knew you would want to see this; winter sunrises were one of your favorite sights.

He attempted to turn to you but found himself unable to move his body. He glanced down, noticing for the first time, he was not in bed but strapped to the small desk chair. Duct tape encircled his arm, torso, and ankles, binding him to the back and legs of the chair. A feeling of dread washed over him. His heart sank as he surveyed the room. The bedcovers were thrown from the bed which laid empty. Several small pieces of furniture and décor littered the floor as if a struggle had taken place. The door to the bedroom had been kicked in. It rested in several pieces on the floor. A figure leaned against the splintered door frame, their arms crossed over their chest. They watched him intently.

Bucky swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. He became aware of a throbbing headache, behind his eyes. His mouth twisted in a grimace as he realized what must have happened. Natasha strode over to him, her fingertips grazing her gun nestled in her thigh holster. She spoke in rapid Russian sentences. Bucky shook his head. "Nat, you know I don't like speaking Russian anymore, much less hear it," he croaked.

A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth, "Good...it's you. Nice to know Wanda succeeded in her attempt at psionic cognitive recalibration." Natasha surveyed the room with a cursory glance. "The Other Guy made quite a mess," her eyes fell on the shattered door, "Well, the door was Pietro's fault." She flipped open the small knife she kept tucked in her boot and set to work on cutting Bucky's bonds.

Bucky hesitated to ask the question he was pretty certain he knew the answer to as he rubbed his eyes. "It happened again didn't it?" Natasha nodded solemnly, cutting the last bit of the duct tape away before standing up once more. Bucky hung his head in shame and nodded slightly in resignation. "Y/N?"

Natasha sighed through her nose, "If we hadn't made it back when we did, she'd be dead...and you'd be long gone."

Bucky inhaled a sharp breath. Once again he had tried to kill the woman he loved. He knew his actions as The Winter Soldier weren't his fault, but, as he mirrored Clint's words to Steve on the flight from Berlin to Siberia, he still did them. He nodded once, before looking Natasha in the eye once more, "Can I see her?"