illuminate. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter Eight

WARNINGS: Smut (It's been a while; you're welcome. 😁)

"You gotta get back up from the wreckage above and walk right through the fire

No matter what happens, the fact is that the flames keep getting higher

You gotta keep it going, keep tiptoeing through the fire and the flames and the pain of knowing

The world is dark, gotta keep on glowing, gotta give that spark, gotta keep on glowing."

~*~*~*~

The Barton Homestead. Missouri. March 2017.

Beads of sweat stung your eyes as you allowed the rhythm of your pounding strikes against the punching bag to lull you into a trance-like state. The harsh sounds of electric guitars, double bass drums, and screams of raw emotion poured from your headphones into your ears, volume turned up as loud as you could stand to drown out your own thoughts. Your thoughts as they were now would surely lead you down a dark path of desperation and helplessness should you acknowledge them. The shocks of sensation that rippled up your arms as each punch landed grounded you and kept you from spiraling.

"Right jab. Left punch. Right uppercut. Left jab. Right punch. Left uppercut."

A week since you destroyed the HYDRA base. A week since you saved Sam. A week since Steve had left you here in exile. You had been idle for a week, floating on a sea of uncertainty. What could you do now? What would you do?

You had tried to keep up as normal of a routine as possible since your injuries fully healed. Gods, you loved Wakandan technology. In the mornings, you helped Laura around the house and took care of Nathaniel, who was entering the "terrible twos" stage, giving Laura a well-deserved break. In the afternoons, you trained, sometimes with Clint but mostly by yourself. In the evenings, you entertained Cooper and Lila, helping them out with homework, watching TV, and playing video games. Usually ending the day on the front porch with Clint and a nightcap.

"Idle hands make fretful minds."

You could almost hear your grandfather's voice in your ear. For so long, you had something to focus on. Something to work toward. Now, you had nothing. And you couldn't stand to just sit around and wait for something to happen.

The sounds of your favorite rock band abruptly ceased as someone unceremoniously tugged your earbud out of your ear. You turned to find Clint placing the earbud in his ear curiously. A grimace crossed his features as he jerked his head away from the earbud with a look of disgust. "Dear Christ, Nightingale," he said as he offered the earbud back to you, "Are ya tryin' to go deaf?"

You scoffed, "Says the man who is technically deaf." You paused your music and placed Bucky's iPod down near your workout equipment.

Clint braced himself behind the punching bag as you resumed your practice. "Falling in Reverse, huh? You must be having a tough time of it."

"What gave it away?" you asked, the sarcasm dripped heavily from your tone.

Clint chuckled, "You always played Falling in Reverse when you were having a rough go of it back in the day." This much was true. Oftentimes, you would wear your headphones at work to drown out everything else when you didn't want to deal with anyone or were having a particularly bad day. Many times, Clint came into your office and had to yank them off your head to get your attention.