|Welcome home|

Chapter 15

I woke up drowned in sweat. Joe was gone and I'd never felt more alone. I looked around the room in darkness the only light, coming from the moonlight shining through the windows. It felt empty. The house seemed quiet and it was unbearable. I dragged myself up and threw myself in the shower. I didn't bother removing my clothes they stayed. My legs didn't want to stand anymore, the water was pushing me down. I lowered myself with my back against the shower bench. The water was cold, freezing, it seemed I'd forgotten to turn the heat setting. I didn't want to stand so I stayed. My body hugged itself generating little heat as I sat there too exhausted to cry or do anything else.

Knocking came from outside, I ignored it. "Clarice?" You know when you get that barbwire feeling in your neck when your about to cry, that's how i felt. I left my head hanging on top of my knees and my arms wrapped hugging my legs like they wouldn't be there tomorrow. I heard steps from outside of the door. "Clarice you ok." I wasn't, I couldn't string words together, when I tried my mouth just shut again or I was to quiet to be heard. They didn't come in whoever it was.

I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to be hugged and told how much someone loved me. I never had that, I had no one to tell me. Janet, Janet did. Before she came along I didn't know how to hug people properly, it'd be awkward, and people would tell me how weird it was after. She taught me that without knowing she had, I wish I could've told her. 

The image of her body lay upon the stairs staring at me replayed in my head, like I was still there, but I wasn't. I cupped my hands to the water and splashed it against my face trying to clear the graphic scenes from my head. "Clarice?" I looked up, hunter stood there deflated. I watched his frame move towards me, I don't remember how I got there, but I was sat leaning into hunters clothed chest under the pouring water. He held me there with his arms wrapped around me, with his head on mine. "Your ok I've got you. Your not there anymore, it's ok."

I didn't know how he knew, but he knew. I pulled away and looked him like I had no idea. "I know, I've got similar problems... oh, I changed your bedding." He quickly changed subject "thanks... and sorry again, I keep crying on you and it's not fair."

"You need to stop apologising, I walked in here. I understand how you feel in a way, I don't want you to be alone, you aren't alone." He grabbed my hand squeezing lightly for reassurance. "I know... thank you." I looked at our hands together and caught him looking at the same thing and our eyes met each others on cue. His head moved towards mine really slowly and mine did his. Our lips fell on each other's so gentle at first, but soon quickened. "Clarice? Our heads snapped up, to see Joe storming in. "Get. out. We will speak later." Hunters hand left mine and I watched him leave lightly pushing past joe. "What the fuck are you up to. What did you do with my son. Tell me now!" He hadn't yelled at me like this before it hurt. "I don't know what your talking about, we just sat here, what's your problem."

"Don't lie, I saw hunter carry bedding into your room. You fucked him didn't you." He stood there with his arms folded across his chest. I got up from the cold shower floor "Joe, I had a really bad nightmare, so I took a cold shower, and hunter said he changed my bedding for me, go check if you want, the baskets outside the door, you won't find anything. Plus I'm a virgin." Joe looked down at his feet smiling to himself.

"A virgin?" I nodded. He pulled me close to him wrapping his warm arms around me, in a strange change of tone."I'm sorry honey, I just care about you is all. I didn't want you getting hurt. Now anyway stop messing around with my son, your mine, not his." I didn't know how it made me feel, to 'belong to someone' like that. "I am no ones" l brushed past him out into my room I went over to my drawers and pulled out a new pair of shorts, underwear and tank top. "We'll see about that"