☁︎︎• 𝐿𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛 𝑇𝑎𝑟𝑡, 𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑏𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑜𝑜𝑡 𝑥 𝑜𝑐 • ☁︎︎

12

Let me confess that we two must be twain,
Although our undivided loves are one:
So shall those blots that do with me remain,
Without thy help, by me be borne alone.
In our two loves there is but one respect,
Though in our lives a separable spite,
Which though it alter not love's sole effect,
Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight.
I may not evermore acknowledge thee,
Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,
Nor thou with public kindness honour me,
Unless thou take that honour from thy name:
But do not so, I love thee in such sort,
As thou being mine, mine is thy good report.

~~~~~~~~~

TW : sexual assault-ish

~~~~~~~~~

wednesday, january 15th 2021

~

1 NEW TEXT ; 5:54 am 

unknown number 

wear something cozy today, i have a plan :)) (by the way, don't ask what is is >:( you'll see) -wil 

~

I rubbed my eyes making sure I read that correctly. "wear something cozy" ? what does that mean? After stretching for a minute, i get up. the wood floor is colder than usual this morning. that's my first cozy clothing item on the agenda. fuzzy socks. i walk to my dresser and pulled out some.. interesting christmas fuzzy socks. wil wont see my socks. then again, wil probably wears socks with Scooby-Doo on them. 

The outfit i settled on was simple but I like it. I decided to wear slim cargo black pants with a black thin belt , and a jade green sweater tucked into it with a white collared shirt underneath along with a brown blazer to top it off. i felt like jewelry today so I added 2 gold chains as well. 

Jack sat hunched over the counter in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea slowly, and when he heard my footsteps he looked up and sucked the tea off his non existent upper lip and sighed. When he opened his mouth i expected an apology but all that came from his mouth was 

"I don't understand why brits like tea so much. this shit is crap." 

then, he exited the room planting a soft kiss on my cheek. his skin still smelled of whiskey and his t-shirt was wrinkled and stained with what I assume to be a mixture of vomit and whiskey and probably other bodily fluids. thinking about his condition before I even got him makes me sick to my stomach. Now that I recall, i don't remember a time where jacks breath didn't reek of whiskey. 

I spread old jam onto hard toast and sat in silence. walking over to the office over, i saw my grandmother sitting quietly by the window. watching her made me sad. she was so quiet. she wasn't the bubbly woman I knew even 5 years ago. I remember being 15 and ballroom dancing with her in my living room back at home. now, she just sits there quietly dozing off or mindlessly watching the tv. a tear formed in my eye as i looked away from her and walked back to the kitchen

At 7:20 i made my way to the front door, but paused when i heard footsteps tumbling down the stairs. jack emerged from the staircase.

"aren't you going to give me a kiss before work" jack said, but i didn't even have to reply. his lips were pressed against mine and when i tried to pull away to tell him i had to go to work, his hand wrapped tightly around my right wrist pinning it to the door. his lips hurt against mine. the stubble from his unshaved face scratched my skin and i was stuck.

finally, he released me giving me an uncomfortable smile. I smiled irritated, and walked out the door without saying anything until i got to my car. that's when I started crying. my hands were shaking on the wheel and my face burned still. I examined my wrist to see faint bruises forming of 3 large fingers. Me being pale, this was expected. 

it was a nice day in brighton, the streets were relatively calm. walking up to the building i saw a tall frame slowly walking to the door as well. I ran to the door beating him when he noticed it was me 

"fuck Lav I thought i was about to get mugged" he cried out

"nah, I just beat you" i said while fake yawning and then chuckling. 

"oh yeah?" wil said as he threw open the door and started running up the stairs. I sighed and chased after him until we reached the narrow part of the stairs, effectively dog piling over each other trying to reach the top first. i took his glasses off and he pulled on my sweater sleeve until we both lost our balance in the middle of the staircase

my foot slipped on a stair and i took wil down with me, and when i opened my eyes from the fall, i saw that wil was on top of me panting. our faces were so close. we made eye contact both panting as our faces got closer and closer. 

Jack. I remembered. I can't

with wil still staring into my eyes i placed my hand on his chest

"wil?" i said 

"yes lavender" he said unsteadily

I waited a few seconds as if i were about to say something, then smiled and flipped him over onto his back and bolted up the stairs screaming in victory

"You- but-" wil started exclaiming 

"what wil, i beat you!" i screamed but that time a look of disappointment grew on his face. I could tell what he was thinking, but instead he stayed silent 

i screamed down the hallway totally pumped when wil chased after me and football tackled me to the ground. with him balancing in push up position on top of me he looked at me 

"lav" he said as his face grew serious a

"wilbur?" i said

he hesitated for a moment bringing himself closer to my face, putting his left elbow to the ground next to me he picked up his right hand and put a finger to my mouth and smiled 

"you're going to get me a noise complaint" he said the pushed himself up off the ground. 

now I know what it felt like when I did that to him.