𝔹𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔹𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕣𝕤

𝕗𝕚𝕗𝕥𝕪-𝕖𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥

(TW: non graphic mention of abuse. there's also a sex joke at the beginning because crutchie is a sassy bitch❤️)

"What the-" I squint at the sight. "Charlie, what the hell are you doing?" He stops dead in his tracks and turns to me with a huge grin.

"You- Spot-" He says, trying to catch his breath.

"Yes....?"

"I heard heavy breathing last night. Were y'all..." My face turns into a tomato.

"NO! WHAT THE FUCK CRUTCHIE!" He's laughing his ass off, using his free arm to stabilize himself against the wall.

"I know, I know. I'm just messing with ya." He heads down the stairs again. "Definitely sounded like you were doing something though." He adds with a wink.

"Shut the hell up."

We sit down at the table for breakfast, playing with the sleeve of my shirt. Once I remember the bandages, I yank the sleeve back down. Charlie and Jack don't seem to notice. They don't need to know.

Medda brings over four plates of waffles, setting them down in front of us, and we dig in. I think I've been slightly better about eating lately. Not much, but it's something.

"So, Antonio," Medda turns to me, and I lift my head. "I got an email that we should be able to pick up your testosterone gel by January 7th at the latest. What a way to start the new year, huh?" I cover my mouth with my hand to hide the smile that spreads across my face.

"Really?"

"Really. They said it might even be ready by the 2nd."

I start playing with one of the rocks in my pocket. It's one of my favorites, and there's a smooth spot on it where my thumb always rubs. Davey says it's not sanitary. I don't give a fuck.

Once breakfast is over, I'm on the couch watching Glee with Charlie, though I'm not really paying attention.

I'm hit with the realization that the year is almost over.

I'm hit with the realization that I moved in with the Larkins on April 29th.

I'm hit with the realization that I've been living with the Larkins for exactly 9 months.

It definitely doesn't feel that long. I guess time really does fly. Hell, you can have a whole ass baby during that time.

I stick the chew stim necklace that Medda got me in my mouth. It's shaped like a bat. I love it.

I feel my eyes start to droop. How can I already be tired? Oh yeah, storm. Forgot about that. I'm honestly surprised that Spot stayed up all night to make sure I'd be okay, and that I wasn't alone.

I think back to when I got confirmation about my name change and adoption.

I think back to the night when Spot and Albert stole the razors from my room.

I think back to when Medda told me that I would be going on testosterone.

I think back to when I had just gotten surgery, and how my boyfriends and family were there with me when I woke up.

I think back to when I was at the diner with Al and Spot, where they were patient with my eating problems.

I think back to when I had to meet them behind the school and they were so worried that they had hurt me.

Back to when I helped Jack and Davey get together, and they've been happy ever since.

Back to when Davey skipped class to help me when I was overstimulated in the school bathroom.

Back to the many laughs I've had with my friends in the library.

Back to when Jack gave me relationship advice and introduced me to the world of polyamory.

Back to when my family gave me a binder.

Back to when Jack and I were on the roof, and he let me rant about space as much as I wanted.

To when Charlie told me that he was also a trans guy, and when he helped me with my dysphoria.

To when Medda took me to the mall and I was so worried about her spending money on me.

To when Medda held me in her arms for the first time.

To the first game night.

To when Charlie came up to my room on my first day of living here with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes and a smile.

To when Jack gave me a tour of the house.

To the excruciatingly long car ride with people that, at the time, I didn't trust.

To when Jack and Charlie were trying to strike up a conversation with me in the foster center.

And back to when I first saw them, my new family, walking down the hallway.

So much shit has happened during these last few months. It's hard to believe that I used to not trust these people. Now, I owe them my life. Without them...

My dad grabbing me by the throat and slamming me to the floor. My mom taking her final breath in the hospital. Going weeks without food.

I shake my head. That's gone. That's behind me. That wasn't love.

This, where I am right now...

This is what love feels like. And it feels fucking amazing.