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In Cold Blood
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The Final Verdict:
Spelling and Grammar (5): 3.2
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 12.6
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 17.8
Plot (30): 29.6
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 19.3
Total:92.2
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Individual judges votes and comments
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 17
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 19.3
Total: 92
Additional Comments: MURDER AND MYSTERY! MYSTERY AND MURDER! A MYSTERIOUS MURDER! A MURDEROUS MYS- yeah no I’m done. I loved this. I loved it a lot. Though I did have to take some points off due to your minor typos and all (I already knew those were coming, because you don’t give a fuck xD), I think you did good (don’t go english teacher on me and tell me to use well because well, I don’T CARE)!
I really liked the Al Bhed. And I loved the sibling relationship that [Name] had with Gippal. They bicker a lot but they love each other- great sibling dynamic right there.
The thing that bothered me about your character portrayals was how Terra cheated on [Name] with Aerith. I honestly don’t even think any of the KH or FF characters would cheat, and this just kind of made me pause for a second and go, “hm… that doesn’t seem right.” I know what you were going for, though, and yes, it is canon that Aerith is dead (but at least she only had one lethal wound and not an abundance of lacerations), so kudos to you on that. xD
I love (I love a lot of aspects wow) how [Name] felt so real. Her emotions and reactions were realistic and relatable, down to how she spoke in Al Bhed when she panicked. Good job! Can’t wait to read more!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 18.3
Total: 92
Additional Comments: The grammar wasn’t exactly great and there were a few misspelled words here and there, along with some missing words as well, so, you did lose points. As for the Character Portrayals and Story Canon, I did have to take off points as I don’t think that Terra would cheat like that, especially with someone like Aerith, though, I thought that it was fine, all in all. The writing was fine, but, sometimes you did stray on a topic a bit too long, and though I can’t exactly fault you for the information about the reader’s childhood, I felt that it went on for just a bit too much. The plot is also established at the end amazingly, with that cliffhanger making me really want to read more! But, seeing as how thrillers aren’t really my cup of tea, though you did managed to get me hooked, I’m still a bit hesitant on it. But, all in all, I enjoyed it all very much and I can’t wait for the next chapter!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 11
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 17
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 19.3
Total: 90
Additional Comments: Let’s start with where the world knows your flying fingers betrayed you. Spelling and grammar. There are just a few moments where sentences really start to seem long and rambly and then of course there are the classic misspellings of fast typing. No super big problem really, just something you might wanna look out for.
Also, there were some points where the formatting got a bit weird between spacing and indents and such. It was either giant text paragraphs or like unequally spaced things and that actually really distracted me while reading.
Another point loss place. Characters. TERRA. AERITH. THE BABES WOULDN’T DO IT. I KNOW SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT, BUT NOT THESE PRECIOUS DORKS. And please, Terra winking to the fans like that during the Blitz game? I can’t tell if this is ~~~~~~’s like super jealous side coming out or just- no.
And not to mention ~~~~~~~~ herself. The problem is with making someone related to a canon character, is that you’re implying they should LOOK like the canon character unless they’re the Mary-Sue doorstep baby or an orphan that no one wanted, you feel? If it weren’t a reader-insert than I probably wouldn’t deduct points for this, but it is a reader insert, soooo.
Otherwise though, the story is absolutely fucking fantastic in all regards. Murder Mysteries are literally like what I live and breathe for, so I really wants to see what happens next. Like ~~~~~~ get your shit together, you don’t go onto the scene of the crime like that you become suspect number one. Not to mention when you’re sliding through blood there is something wrong. (Really questioning her common sense right now.) And people already discriminate against you for being an Al Bhed! Come on now! Get your act together! Obviously I’m interested in the story so keep it up!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 12
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 19
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 20
Total:94.7
Additional Comments: For that picture of Aerith on the side you win all the points. Congratulations. It was perfection just like your freaking story. First of all, murder mystery? MURDER MYSTERY. I’m in love with that alone, and you followed through with it. I loved the characters you threw in, I loved how you wrote them, and I loved the relationships they already had. Also, [Name] as an Al Bhed? All the points damn it. You win them all. I absolutely loved the relationship [Name] and Gippal have as big bro little sis. The only issue I see with it is that it implies that they look alike which is an issue being a reader insert and all that jazz. Honestly though, I was too pumped about the relationship between them to think more on it. I’m not going to talk about Zack because I’d spend nine years talking about how perfect you had him so let’s just skip to my favorite part. Finding Aerith. The reaction of the reader was spot on. It connects with the reader and it just punches you in the face. How you have her run out covered in blood screaming, not even realizing she’s shouting in Al Bhed. Now, there were a few grammar issues and stuff but overall you knocked it out of the park.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 3.
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 14.
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18.
Plot (30): 28.
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.7
Judges Vote (20): 20.
Total: 92.7.
Additional Comments:FIRST THINGS FIRST I CAN NOT DEAL WITH THAT PHOTO IN THE MULTIMEDIA SECTION LIKE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS ON READING WHEN THAT IS THERE? XD There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but it didn’t disrupt any of my reading… it was good to see so many characters introduced in the first chapter instead of us just having to read all about the reader. Everyone seemed pretty in character too, and that was nice. BUT TERRA CHEATING MAKES ME SAD! *cries* Plot wise… making me think of Cluedo. :’) now we’re gonna have a mystery case on our hands (which will do my head in because I suck at trying to figure things out) but it’s good and different and I haven’t seen it done for a KH/FF story before. :3 I am looking forward to future chapters! ^.^
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book
FanfictionWhere all results, feedback, comments, judges input, and scores will be posted. If you're in this competition, this book is your lifeline. It's how you can connect with the judges, the other writers, and the other stories.
