'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book

Round One: "Butterfly Catchers" By Chiarasbeautifulruin

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Butterfly Catchers

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The Final Verdict

Spelling and Grammar (5): 3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15) 9.3
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20) 9.3
Plot (30) 13.3
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 8.8

Judges Vote (20) 5.8
Total: 49.5

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Individual judges votes and comments

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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 10
Plot (30): 15
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 8.8
Judges Vote (20) 6
Total: 53.8

Additional Comments: First things first, spelling and grammar; it seems like you really tried to make things seem really flowery and like you tried to use big words and a ‘disney-type’ narration almost that wasn’t really consistent. Like one minute everything was trying to be poetic language, then the next is was normal writing. The characters seemed a lot like themselves for the most part, which is good, and their relationships and chemistry are apparent, but I’d also like to see some kind of backstory, you know? Like they are all friends, they are all the same color butterfly (I think, I’m not sure if that was actually mentioned or not). You’ve created a very unique world for your characters, but we haven’t really seen them live in it, you know? You’ve told us they are from a place called Autumn, but before you show us any of what Autumn is like, whooosh, the girls are off to Winter. Also, why no love scenes? I’m all for girl power, but having a romance doesn’t damped the girl power.    

 

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Spelling and Grammar (5): 2
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 14
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 9  
Plot (30): 17
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 8.8
Judges Vote (20): 8
Total: 58.8

Additional Comments: Oh dear. Where to start. First of all, the way you write out your sentences seems desperate in the sense that you want them to sound eloquent and poised. Instead, they come off as try-hard and tiring to read. Secondly, we got no clues as to what your character was like, other than the sparse lines of dialogue that she shared with her friends. I would’ve really liked to see it “flow” more. The beginning was heavy descriptions and no dialogue, and then out of no where, these tiny one or two-lined conversations come in and those lovely descriptive words and explanations are gone. The plot is something I’ve never seen before, I’ll give you that- but it’s something that I would’ve daydreamed about when I was six and still played with dolls. Yeah, no.