Round Two: "Semi-Automatic" by AmorettiElle

33 2 0
                                    

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Semi-Automatic

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Final Verdict

Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.7

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 14.5

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 18.5

Plot (30): 30

Fan Votes (10): 10

Judges Vote (20): 19.5

Total: 97.2


~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**


Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.8

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 14

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 18

Plot (30): 30

Fan Votes (10): 10

Judges Vote (20): 20

Total: 96.8

Additional Comments: I...don't really have anything to say. The chapter was just really good. It explained things without using too much to do so, it shows the thought process of the reader and it's not incredibly bad, the characters were really in character, and though I don't remember much from Black Butler I can tell that you know how to work with Sebastian. Also, a Tonberry. A fucking Tonberry. I believe you've made your point. There was a sentence or two where I thought it didn't look right, but, it wasn't really anything major or something you should worry about, and the only reason I took away from Character Portrayals/Story Canon is because, really, a Tonberry for a friend? Must be quite a story for the reader to have one, right? Plus, you included some pretty important details and you made some references to Skyrim, which makes me just a lot happy. So, I have to give this story pretty high praise and just say nothing more! Except that you are the queen of writing long chapters and don't stop but you're making our jobs harder.


~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**


Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.5

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 15

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 19

Plot (30): 30

Fan Votes (10): 10

Judges Vote (20): 19

Total: 97.5

Additional Comments: This is not gonna be a very long review because there isn't much for me to critique and anything I did find would be major nit-picking and I hate nit-picking. The conversation between [Name] and Merlin was mega interesting. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be such a huge point, but it really just grabbed my attention. With the thing about paradoxes, and the time passing, and what not. It really just set off alarm bells too in my mind. I don't know what's going on (in a good, intrigued way) but I know a shit storm is coming and that's super exciting. SHEFFY. I can already tell he's gonna be one of my favorite aspects of this story haha. The fact that we don't know much about [Name]'s past so far is interesting too. Like, all we know is that she was taught by Yen Sid, has no last name... I'm just excited in general about every aspect of where this story can go. I didn't really connect with the Black Butler parts mainly because it isn't something I'm familiar with or very interested either, but seeing Sora, Venny, and Van near the end was totally worth it. Good job, dude. Keep it up.

'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment BookWhere stories live. Discover now