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I was walking back from class when I got the call that Natalia Davies left the earth. I stood there frozen for a moment.

I didn't know what to do or how to react.

The last time that I talked to her was before I left to go back to Oxford. The only thing that comforted me was that we left off on good terms.

I finished out my next few days of classes before I left for London on Wednesday night. Her funeral was on Thursday and I was speaking at it.

I hope that I didn't start crying in the middle of it.

"Are you feeling alright?" Theo rubbed my back as I packed my suitcase.

"I mean no." I threw random shit into the bag. "Her funeral tomorrow and they want me to speak at it, but I don't know if I can. I'm just nervous that I'll breakdown."

"You can do it." he assured me. "She would want you to and so what if you cry? You're human and it shows that you care about her."

I nodded my head. "I know, I know. I should be back by Sunday or Monday."

"The state dinner." Theo reminded me.

I rolled my eyes. "I really don't give two shits about that right now. I have to go, the car is waiting on me."

"Text me when you get back to London." he zipped up my suitcase for me.

"I will." I hugged him. "Bye, T."

I got into the back of a Black car that took me straight to the palace.

My parents were being very understanding and I was happy to see my sisters again (even though it only been a few days).

This whole situation reminded me of how precious life really is.

The next morning, my entire immediate family put on our funeral attire and headed to the services. It was a big deal to the media that we were there, but we honestly didn't want them there.

It sucked that there was nothing that we could do about it.

"You got this." my dad handed me his handkerchief before I stood up to deliver the eulogy.

I took it before I walked to the podium.

"Natalia Joy Davies lived up to her middle name. She was a soul that was so joyful to be around. Her smile could light up a room and her personality left a lasting impact on you forever. Many people thought that our friendship was a publicity stunt. Let me be clear, it wasn't." I spoke powerfully.

I made eye contact with the crowd as I looked up.

"Tallie and I met at my fundraiser event last year. She was my third little sister, an honorary Clifford, and a really really really good friend. I could trust her with anything. Tallie and my sisters would all skate around Buckingham Palace, go on picnics together, and just do random things that made us happy. The world is emptier without her in it and she will forever have a place in my heart." I continued.

"To honor Tallie, my family and I have started a non-profit in her name as well as a pink rose bush at the royal garden. Pink roses are both of our favorite flowers so it was only fitting." I smiled to myself. "Please consider donating to the non-profit, the children's hospital, and keep Tallie's friends and family in your thoughts and prayers."

"Thank you." everyone clapped as I walked off stage.

I still felt so empty.

After the funeral, I went home and cried.

I just had all of these built-up emotions and I didn't know how to feel anymore.

Sometimes I felt numb and sometimes I felt completely broken.

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