Shattered

Chapter 42

(I could only find the music video form of this song, so the beginning and end are different, but oh it's such a beautiful song.)

If only "sorry" could fix this.

But this was beyond words, beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Surreal and foreign, there were no instructions for us, no way for us to know or even begin to understand our situation. We were left to pave our own path, but trial and error can only take you so far before the consequences become detrimental.

This seemed to be the path Nakoa had chosen, the one she believed would find her freedom. It was different from mine, however still similar in its own respect. She was manipulating him into believing she was happy here, so he would grant her more freedom, while contrarily, I made sure Chandler knew I was simmering in hatred and anger, but also earned his trust, which in turn allowed me more freedom. A key detail, however, is that I'm granted a lot more breathing room to be who I am, and Lucas instead tries to make Nakoa someone she is not, so in this sense, maybe I had it easier.

I could continue to lie to myself and try and make my life match up to her misery in order to ease my conscience, but I knew, and I knew it well, that I got the better situation.

"Jess, you're the first person I've been able to talk to that isn't Lucas since we left New York," she said quietly, noticing that I couldn't find words to comfort her, as if there were any. What could I even say? I wanted to tell her sorry; not because I played any part in her kidnapping, but because I was the one with the opportunity to escape, and that made me feel guilty.

"Everyday, it's the same thing. He works, I stay here alone with the dogs, he comes back, and then I have to do whatever he wants. Sometimes he works during the weekend or goes out to do stuff, but I'm always left here. I don't get to leave, and I don't get to see anyone except him." I couldn't see her face due to the way it was tucked into my shoulder, but based on the way her voice quivered, I could tell she was on the verge of getting very emotional.

Lucas was depriving her of any human contact besides his, isolating as well as forcing her to depend on no one but him. It was vile and repulsive, the way he treated her. He was undeniably smart, using this knowledge against her to get his way, but also unbelievably cruel. They were manipulating each other, leaving one question unanswered. Who would fall first?

I never realized how lucky I was to have Stella and Nyx, because without them, my hope for escaping would be near nonexistent and so would my will to disobey. Perhaps it was something I took for granted and used carelessly, the result of my stupidity with holding onto the information Nyx gave me proved this. I still wondered what happened to her after Soren found out, which was vaguely mentioned in Chandler's texts. How did he punish her?

Gently, I pulled Nakoa's head up, turning her to face me. I gave the sweetest smile I could, hoping to comfort her the way my mother used to with her own smile. Her warmth and love radiated through her smile, but all I felt was my pain and desperation. "Nakoa, don't cry. You're strong, you won't let him win. I refuse to believe that the world is so horrible that someone as kind as you will be left with such a shitty life. You will survive this, and then you'll live the life you're deserving of."

We both knew that what I said was a challenge to make a reality, a reality we weren't sure could ever exist, but neither of us said anything about it. We can wish and dream as much as we want, at least that's not something they can take away from us.

Nakoa wiped at her tears, sniffling once before sitting straight. "Enough of me whining, I noticed you look... I don't know, like you're just going through it." She looked at me with concern, her chocolate eyes holding the most precious soul I had ever met. Was it her innocence and purity that attracted Lucas?