I Have to Have Him (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Nine

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 

Oh...this chapter get's a little weird. Well, it was to me. I hope you guys like it!

Also, I think that ----> song is perfect for this chapter and for Dom and Rye teehee Dorion. It's really emotional and I would suggest you listen to it :) 

Hi, Liz. This is for you :)

            The stars were eminently bright in the sky tonight. It was chilly too, being that Autumn was drawing near. Orion sat next to me on the hood of my car as looked at the city below us. I don’t know why I took him here; I just drove and drove. Neither of us said a word yet and it has been maybe an hour or more. The thing is, I’m not exactly sure what to say to him. I’m scared he’ll dismiss whatever I have to say and I’m scared he won’t want anything to do with me at all.

            “Do you know what I do for a living?” Orion asked. I’m not sure if that’s a trick question or not so I didn’t answer. “Men touch me, not all, but most of the time—”

            “Why are you telling me this?” I questioned. My voice sounded harsher than I had intended but I couldn’t take it back.

            “Because you need to know—and don’t interrupt me. You had your chance to speak and you didn’t say anything. It’s my turn now.” I snapped my mouth shut. Though, I have to admit that was sexy. I’ve never been spoken to so…sternly before, moreover been told what to do. “It always happens. I’m told over and over ‘I can handle it, it’s just a job’ and I use to fall for it. I didn’t just fall for it I fell for the guys too. Then I got comfortable and I start thinking ‘yes, this might finally be it’. And that’s when whoever the guy is realizes that he can’t handle it. The signs were always there though; I never met their parents, I barely knew their friends, if any at all. I was hidden and ashamed of…” he trailed off, shaking his head.

            “That’s not it thought,” I voiced, putting two and two together. “When you’re on stage you’re not happy. You cry and I’ve seen you cry more than once and I’ve heard you cry before.” He froze when I said that and his eyes strayed from watching the city and his eyes now found adoration in the ground. “What is it, Rye?” I asked standing in front of him. I reached out to touch his cheek but caught myself in time and fold my arms over my chest instead.

            He scrunched his shoulders then dropped them back down, “How could I expect better from them when I hate what I do. I hate myself because of what I do. I hate the way those men look at me and I hate that they touch me and that I have to touch them and pretend that I like it. The most disgusting thing about is that most of them are straight married men. I hate all of it. I lie to my own brother that I love to death and would do anything for because I’m ashamed and I don’t want him to be ashamed of me too. I’m on my own and I’m nineteen. I have to pay rent, I’m paying for a car that I don’t even have because I crashed it, and I’m paying for a thirty five thousand dollar hospital bill from that accident. I would love to be working a simple job like any other teenager but do you think working a seven or eight dollar an hour job can pay for all of that? I couldn’t even survive a week on that.”

            I was speechless. All I wanted to do was take him into my arms and make everything better for him but I know he wouldn’t let me. That’s a lot for a little kid to bear on his own. It was too much and I really admire him to be able to do that. At the age of nineteen I had already written my fourth book and I had enough money to do whatever I want with it. I don’t know why but I felt incredibly guilty and ungrateful all of a sudden. Maybe I always felt guilty for the less privileged and that’s why I spend more on other people than I spend on myself. Maybe that’s why I donate money to charities, some of them I don’t even know what they are for exactly. All I know is that they were for a good cause and whatever friend I had that told me about it approved.