I Have to Have Him (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Twenty-seven

                                           THROUGH ORION’S EYES

            Everything hurs. My head. My back. My jaws. My throat. My neck. Even my tongue hurts. I guess that’s what happens when one’s been crying too much, I don’t really know. The closest I’d come to crying this much was the first time I kissed…him, I was so confused and scared. Now I’m scared to even think his name. The last time I said his name I started bawling. And now here I am with a massive headache atop a fragile, almost broken heart. I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at myself. I’m so stupid. So very stupid. Why did I have to be so stupid? As I thought that I clutched my head, grabbing the black locks and tugging only to let go a second later, winching at how badly my head hurts.

            Nick had taken my phone from me. I had some sort of breakdown before I started bawling my soul out. I know what happened but I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I was in shock and I wanted to go back because I couldn’t believe that I was losing him…and that’s when I had broke down. Now I’m looking at my phone sitting next to Nick on his desk. I…I-have to talk to him. I need to talk to him. I need to apologize. I have no excuse for treating him the way I did and now that I notice how I acted I hate myself.

            Why had work become so important to me all of a sudden? Why would I think Dominic would care how much money I had in my back account? No matter what he told me I could not let go off of the feeling of not being good enough. I wanted to be so much better for him. To take him out to nice places like he did for me. To call him randomly and tell him to get dress because I’ve got something amazing planned for him. To be able to send him flowers throughout the day.

            There were other ways to show him I cared and that I love him. I was just stupid. Just stupid and scared and worried. As I sat here and think, I wondered if I had tried to push him away on purpose. I’m just a stripper who works part-time at a doctor’s office during the day. What did I do to deserve him? Ever since I was thirteen I’ve been looking out for myself and rarely ever caring about anyone else. Dominic is amazing and wonderful and selfless and…he’s just Dominic. It was all too good to be true and that’s why I thought that maybe I was pushing him away on purpose. I don’t know for sure if I was but I might had been.

            How good I thought it was is nowhere compared to as good as I know it now to be. I love him so much. I love him so much I don’t know what to do with myself. I want, no I need to talk to him. I need to hear his voice.

            As fast as I could move, I launched myself at Nick and tackled him to the ground. While he was paralyzed from shock I grabbed my phone and ran to his bathroom, turning the lock behind me. Nick was pounding on the door, telling me that I needed to give Dominic his space because he needed it, and that he needed to cool off. I knew he was right but I just really want to hear his voice.

            Unlocking the phone, I hit the “phone” button then Dominic’s name in call log. He was the last person I called. I don’t use my phone much. The most I had used my phone was around the time Dominic gave me no choice but to be his friend because he wouldn’t leave me alone. He wouldn’t give up on me…until now. Great, more realizations for me to hate myself. I sniffled, wiping the fresh assemblage of tears warming my cheeks.

            The phone rang and rang and rang without an answer. I redialed and I kept redialing. I hit redial and as the phone rang out I heard his voice message. I was too caught up in him not picking up the first couple times to have for his voicemail. I had called him so many times I could recite his voicemail every time it came on.