Sinner | Draco Malfoy

14

dimmed lights in the dining room, the windows were open leaving a cool breeze to enter into the room, the brown cherry oak table that is meant to fit more than twelve people only sat three today, the house elves had prepared a dinner for the three of you, simple but delicious as always, your father and mother asked questions as you ate, you answered them all with a lie, while you were upstairs you were able to take another tablet filled with the luxurious high you always get, you were in a state of relaxation.

your parents couldn't mess this up for you, no one can tear down and destroy your city you so gracefully built with every different substance, creating walls in the city with different opioids, and toxins. the gold silver and copper palace you live in, filled with different styles marble, different gold, all shapes and sizes, that was your city, your palace. your parents or a man could never take from you, you will make sure of it, you could've disappear into a world of happiness, and self love. instead of self hatred and loneliness.

"I am going to do something now, and you cannot stop me for what I am about to, I am your father after all." Your father removed himself from the head of the table, and walked over to your chair, you were confused, and sat there in your position. what was he going to do? 'probably yell at me' you thought to yourself and nodded your head at him. he was now standing in front of you, staring right at you. and glanced back at your mother for a split second, "legillimens." your father whispered as he closed his eyes.

inside your head was a dark place, your thoughts were all over the place, but your father did find exactly what he was looking for, your drug addiction, 'I need to get more high' you thought in your head, and he was able to hear it, see it, sense it. and feel it. you were high at this very moment, you were no longer his daughter but a disgrace to this family. he saw your memories, and he was hoping that your happiest memories were with your mother and father growing up as a child.

but he was wrong, your memories consisted of your blood laced with alcohol, opioids, substances, and contents he had no idea what it was, he saw your silhouette on top of a blonde boy, your lips touching one another, he saw the way the blonde boy blew smoke into your mouth and you inhaled the toxin.

your father knew he couldn't see anymore, he removed himself from the legillimens spell, his face shown the anger that radiated from him. "Father-" you tried to speak, tried to defend yourself but it was no use, no use for you to even defend yourself. "Out of my face." He spoke, trying to be calm you tried once more to defend yourself. "Father-" "I said get out of my face!" He yelled, pointing at the exit of the dining room, and you scurried out as quick as you could've, your heart was pounding loud in your chest as you almost fell up the stairs in a panic to lock yourself away and never look at anyone again.

your mother tried to calm him down, she didn't know a thing yet. "What is it honey?" Your mother's voice was soothing, quiet but audible, honey laced sweetness, calming. your father would always be calm around her. but this time, it can't work. "She's on medication sweetheart." Even in anger, he showed his love for the woman in front of him. "Medication?" She asked, clearly uncertainty in her voice, no longer the sweet quiet voice. "Drugs, opioids, alcohol. Men." Your father spat with anger.

"What do we do?" Your mother's face was laced with fear, fear of what your father would do. fear of losing her only daughter, fear of letting you become who you are. "Disown her." Was the only thing she could've hear, she needed to sit down. taking a seat at her chair, how could she let her daughter walk away, go into her own world of wizardry, expecting the professors to watch and protect the students. her daughter is no longer a baby, but a drug addict.

"Go speak with her." Your father yelled at your mother, and she hurriedly rushed out of the room, her heart beating with every step she took, she never liked your fathers voice when he would scream, it always got her on the tip of her toes. she knocked three times in different directions of the door. "Darling?" Your mother had to put on her fake voice, "door is open." You whispered, you were laying on your bed, emotionless. no tears, no pain, no fear.

numb, before your mother walked in you were able to spread out the cocaine on your old nightstand, you took one of your dolls and used their hand to spread the cocaine, and inhaling it as quick as you could've before anyone came in. You were not going to have a conversation with anyone, stone cold sober. you needed to be wrecked, absolutely destroyed by the absolute wonders of medication.

Your mother frowned at you, your position on the bed, no words, no tears, just laying there if you were the only person in the world with no care, you were useless at the moment. "Darling.." she trailed off, laying beside you in the bed, wrapping her arm around you, her head on your shoulder. you took in her warm embrace, her warmth was comforting over your cold body, that's something you couldn't control, every time you were using you were always cold, a sweater was your best necessity.

"If you are here to bash me mom, just save it: I'll hear it from dad later." You mumbled, staring at the window in your room, "how did this happen?" she asked quietly, but demanding as well. "It's not simple to say, some days I don't even recognize myself." your bottom lip quivered as you spoke, it was the truth. you couldn't even see who you really were anymore. "The robe and the wand, the magic just isn't my life anymore." You shrugged and she held onto you tighter.

"Go on." She encouraged you to speak, she wasn't tearing you down, she wanted you to speak your heart out. "It's not what I asked for, sometimes life gets too hard, and you need a way to exit the bitterness, the sadness, and the darkness. and you find a light, my light is different from everyone else's," a tear rolled down your cheek as you spoke to the woman you used to call mother, the woman you looked up to when you were five, but things turned downhill after that, she never looked at you as a daughter but a disgrace, she wanted a boy.

and so did he, the witch surprised them when they mentioned a girl, she regretted conceiving. especially when the witch nurse told her that she will never be able to have another child, she was stuck with you. and you were stuck with her. "Can I tell you a story about a girl I once knew?" Your mother wiped the tear away from your cheek, and you nodded.

"She was imperfect, but she was kind. she was loyal most of the time, she grew up in a family with silver and wine, they were royalty, expected the best from their daughter and son." She sat up, and held your head in her lap, playing with the strands of your hair. "She was good at a lot of things, especially writing, and singing, her parents would always make her sing whenever they had guest over, and she enjoyed being the centre of attention."

"She was honest, and never lied to her parents, she was brave, but she was lonely, she was sent off of to Hogwarts, she met a few people, but she was still lonely, she sat alone for almost five years of her life, people would talk in hushed whispers about her, she had enough of the small talk, and didn't wish to be so kind anymore, she wanted to be reckless." Her voice was soothing again, wasn't harsh, wasn't angry but sadness laced in her voice.

"She found a few guys who were selling a few items that the muggles carried, and she tried it, she liked the feeling of being carried out of this world into a place she called her own land, the land was filled with lilies and daisies, and roses." You instantly recognized that the muggles were selling drugs.

"This girl was in love with another girl, who wouldn't spare her look, the other girls name was lily, she would stare at lily from afar, and when she used to go to her city, she would see lily in a white dress surrounded by lilies and daisies and a world that she and lily could be together." Your mother had a tear rolling down her face as she spoke, she quickly wiped it away.

"She was bruised and used by many different men to forget how much she loved lily, her heart ached for lily, she tried everything to forget lily. especially when lily found a boyfriend, she and lily became friends, her love for lily never faded but only grew stronger." She sighed, she looked like she didn't want to continue the story but she was so deep in, she couldn't stop now.

"She met a man who couldn't love, but had no choice but to marry, her parents forced her to marry this man, her addiction only worsened, she overdosed on medication heavily, they couldn't wake her up, she didn't want to wake up. she wanted to stay in that garden with lily forever, but she couldn't. lily was happy, and she had to be too, she was messy, and she was kind, she was all of this mixed with other things that could possibly be wrong but managed."

"She is me, y/n." Your mother sighed, explaining to you that she also had faced addictions, and was in love with someone who couldn't love her back.