Surviving As One {A TWD fanfic}

7. Some Things Don't Change

I slowly walk forward until I'm right behind the man, staring at the wings on the back of his vest. They look just the same, every detail.

"Bella?" I hear Carl say and suddenly he's beside me.

"Yeah" I forced my gaze onto him. 

He shakes his head lightly pulling me back "Don't"

"Don't what?" I asked, a puzzled expression on my face.

"Touch him" Carl stares at me and I can't help but notice how serious he looked.

"I wasn't going to" I said softly, my gaze falling to the ground.

"Do you know him?" He asked once the man had walked away.

I shook my head softly "No"

"But you dreamt about him?" Carl said and my eyes widen.

"So it is him? The man I explain" I asked staring deep into Carl's eyes.

He shrugged "It could be, but I wouldn't know" He said simply and walked away.

I sighed loudly, my gaze falling back on the man as he walked further away. I tried to convince myself it was nothing and he may not even look the same. I didn't get to see his face? I walked back inside and into my cell. Laying down on the bed I let my thoughts wander and I started to realise how different I was. I didn't know how to keep a conversation or even start one with a person anymore. I didn't know how to act around people. All I knew and was good at was killing the dead, it was all I was good for these days. Maybe I was better off alone, doing what I was doing. The empty feeling returned inside me and that's when I realised I was better off alone. Nothing had changed coming here! I wasn't any happier? I wasn't any use to these people? I waited in my cell for night to come. It was pitch black dark when I stood up, picking up my belongings and walking out slowly. Making sure no one was up and walking around, pressing my lips together I walked outside and started making my way toward the fence.

"Where you going?" Hershel asked placing a hand on my shoulder.

I jumped forward a little "Oh" Was all I thought to say. How could I explain it to someone? Why I was suddenly leaving?

"Oh? Is it nice there" He chuckled softly "Now why don't we have a seat and you can tell me where you're really going"

I nodded and followed him to what looked to be a kitchen, taking a seat across from him "I don't think I really need to tell ya where I was going" I looked down at my hands "I think ya already know"

"Indeed I do" Hershel nodded softly "But why, that's what I don't know"

"How do I explain it? It's. Well it's complicated" I sighed, my gaze never leaving my hands.

"Just as it is" He said simply, staring at me.

"Just as it is? You mean how it is in my head?" I asked and he nodded. "Alright well. In my head" I stopped still unsure of how to explain it "I'm better off alone. I can't offer Rick or anyone here anything. I'm not good at being around people anymore, I'm awkward and nervous. I don't know what to say or how to act, it's been so long that it just seems easier if I was alone"

"Now that isn't true. Maggie said you did a great job at helping her today? You've survived out there long enough that you can help us when we go on runs" He explained but it didn't change my mind. I still left like a burden to these people.

"And what if I'm not? What if the only thing that kept me going was one little thing that's been broken now?" I said a few tears falling from my eyes.

"That little thing isn't broken. You gotta have faith" He said softly placing a gentle hand on my arm

"Faith. Right" I stared at his hand.

"Now go put your stuff back in your cell and meet me outside" Hershel smile and stood. 

I nodded and almost ran back to my cell. Tossing my stuff onto the bed, walking back out and over to Hershel "Done" I smiled standing beside him.

"Look at the moon" He said quietly staring at the moon, my gaze followed his up to the moon.

"What about the moon?" I asked my gaze not leaving it.

"It's still beautiful. It still comes up and goes down, that hasn't changed" Hershel finally glanced down to me.

I glanced over toward him "I'm not following you on this"

"Because you're not listening hard enough. The sun still raises and falls, that hasn't changed" He told me, his gaze not moving from me.

I thought for a moment until my lips tugged into a small smile "Even though the world has turned into this endless hell and it's changing us into something we feared, things are still the same and we don't have to let what we've done change who we are as a person. As a human"

"Exactly" Hershel smiled giving me a small pat on my shoulder "Now that we have that cleared up, You should go get some sleep. Daryl was talking about going on a run tomorrow, I'll tell him you're going out with them"

"Thanks Hershel, really. I appreciated everything" I smiled and gave him a small hug before walking off and into my cell. Laying down on the bed, taking a deep breath and letting myself slip into a heavy peaceful sleep.