Love To Hate Me | Jensoo

Chapter 17

Jisoo was counting down the minutes till the clock next to her bed showed numbers that were big enough to be considered acceptable to get out of bed. She didn't sleep much that night. She spent it staring at the last text Jennie had sent her. It was a couple of hours after the conversation, or attempt of one, they had that night in the hotel bar. Jennie's text said she couldn't wait till later that night when she'll finally be able to kiss Jisoo.

Jisoo debated to be the one to break the silence, to try and meet Jennie half way, or even walk all the way to where Jennie was standing. She knew how stubborn Jennie is and how hard her words could cut if she decided to make them sharp enough. And Jisoo just wanted to feel Jennie's hands wrapped around her, Jennie's lips on her skin and hear the muffled whispers of love that were Jennie's version of lullaby.

But instead of sending a short "I'm sorry", Jisoo got up and went out on the balcony. Jennie's room was on the same floor as hers, 5 rooms between them. It took Jisoo less than a minute to give in and look in her direction. On the sixth balcony to her left there was a dimmed light of a computer screen and a silhouette of a woman sitting in one of the chairs. Unlike Jennie, Jisoo was in darkness. She took out her phone and sent a text. A couple of seconds later she heard the familiar beep of Jennie's phone.

Are you up?

Jisoo saw Jennie pick her phone up, read the text and put it back on the table in front of her, never writing back.

Jisoo spent the next couple of minutes staring at her girlfriend. When Jisoo couldn't sleep she drew, and when Jennie couldn't sleep she worked.

I just want to talk

Jisoo sent another text. Maybe it was desperate, maybe it was searching for something that she knew Jennie wasn't going to give in to, at least not that night, but she needed to hear the softness in Jennie's voice, she needed to make it better, she needed to feel warmth she felt every time Jennie looked at her.

Maybe Jisoo shouldn't have said what she did about Jennie's company and maybe she did exactly what Jennie would have done. Maybe Jennie was right and maybe she overreacted. Maybe she was right to overreact. Maybe Jisoo had no reason to still be where she was. And maybe she felt like she had to prove to the world, to Jiyong, to her mother, to Jennie, that she could do it just as good.

When she saw Jennie was going to ignore both of her texts, she went back inside, closed the balcony door and laid on the bed. She closed her eyes and thought back to the last time she had Jennie in bed next to her. She managed to get two hours of sleep.

When the numbers on the clock next to her head were at 5:45 she got out of the bed, she showered, put on last night's clothes and went down to the hotel bar for a coffee.

The place was empty except for one table. Jisoo took a deep breath and walked up to her.

"Can I sit here?" When she didn't get an answer she pulled out the chair and sat down.

"I didn't say you can," Jennie said without lifting her eyes from the phone that was in her eyes. Her eyes were glued to one point in the upper right corner of it, it was obvious to anyone looking at her that she wasn't really looking at her phone, she was just avoiding Jisoo's eyes.

"You didn't say I couldn't either."

"Someone might see you." Jennie was starting to sharp her knife.

"Let them." The softness of Jisoo so much longed was nowhere to be seen. "I couldn't sleep last night," Jisoo ignored both the tone and words.

"I can't help you with that."

"Jennie, can we talk like adults just for one minute?"

"Adult thing is to feel hurt after you've been hurt," Jennie said. "Or do you want me to go back to not caring?" She finally looked up and made sure Jisoo knew how sharp the knife was. There was hurt, and there was anger in her eyes, but there was also resilience Jisoo knew meant only one thing.