A Force Of Gravity✅

47

-Rose-Present-

"Tears stream down your face
I promise you, I will learn from my mistakes."
-Fix You By Coldplay

"I don't know how to feel about this." My head is buzzing from numbness. I lean against the window sill for support as it feels like everything is crumbling around me.

I barely remember George, he was just another guy I dated. I felt sad when he died but I felt more guilty about not caring as much as I should. But he didn't overdose. He drugged me, tried to rape me and then Will accidentally killed him out of rage.

The different emotions are like a force, pressing down on me and suffocating me. I can't breathe and I can't think. I'm trying to remember that day but all I can remember is going to that party, blacking out and waking up the next day with a concussion.

Then it makes sense. I flinched when Jack Rolls tried to kiss me that same Winter and I pulled away. I never grew close to any boys but I had thought it was all because of Will leaving. I had nightmares for weeks about someone crushing me until I couldn't breathe but I had no idea why. I thought it was just a faze.

Now I know that it was me, subconsciously telling myself that I had gone through something horrible and disgusting but I can't remember. It's almost a mercy but then it isn't at the same time.

My legs buckle from beneath me, the pain in my chest growing. Will manages to smoothly catch me by slipping his arm around my waist and moves me to sit on the edge of the bed.He crouches down in front of me and cups my face softly.

"You don't have to feel anything if you don't want to. If you want to cry and scream, you can do that too." He whispers so softly that something inside me breaks. This beautiful boy killed someone for me, didn't tell anyone for years and is now comforting me. But I don't know what to feel.

He gently strokes my face, looking at me with so much worry that I have to pull away from his gaze. A tear drops down my cheek, then another and another. Silent tears are always worse. It has been so long since I broke down that I almost forgot how to cry.

"Don't leave, okay? I don't want you to leave." I mumble, feeling so vulnerable and scared that the only thing I can think about is Will. He presses his lips to my forehead, then pulls away again.

"I won't leave. Ever. I'm sorry I never told you. I'm sorry for leaving." He whispers quickly and more tears drop. I'm still so angry that he didn't tell me, that no one told me. That no one thought I was strong enough to handle it. But look at me now, breaking in half and I wonder if I'm strong enough after all.

"Rose..." his fingertips lift up my chin to face him and tears keep falling down my delicate cheeks. I'm surprised to find his own tears beginning to build as I look at the pain in his eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did. What is wrong with me that everyone wants to hurt me?" I croak out, sounding so lost and so vulnerable that I want to shake myself out of it. But I'm too tired. "What did I ever do to make everyone hate me so much? To make you hate me?"

"But that's the thing Rose, I never hated you. Not really." He whispers and I know that now, considering what he had done for me. More tears drop and he strokes my face. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

He draws me onto his lap and I break down in
his arms. I feel his chest tighten at the sound of me sobbing and he cradles me tightly and strokes my hair.