inside my head

sorry.

sorry its been so long between us. Ive been horribly sick. my mind keeps wondering off and its hard to keep a solid thought formed. i miss carl. havent seen him in almost two weeks. i will kill someone if i dont see him soon and i dont even think im joking. my stomach is filled with this unbelievable rage. oh and my grandmother has the clap. my older sister found her bottles for it.

sorry to tell you that but i think its kinda funny. my GRANDMOTHER has the clap. thats gonorrhea (and std) if you didnt know. hehe. not funny but so horrifying it makes you giggle.

no i love my grandma though. she just called to see if i was any better after being sick. she just got out of the hospital. she managed to catch pneumonia in florida. dont know how she catches all this stuff but im really impressed.

again hard to keep a solid thought. im running out of medicine and my appointment keeps getting pushed back. I think it does me good though. I havent flown off the handle. I saw carl two days ago now. I hit a doggy with my car possibly as soon as it happened i kinda fell off the handle. he went into a rage at seeing it and we fought the whole night. we made up of course but it really freaked him out. It really freaked me out too. His aunt said the dog was ok so thats all that really matters i guess.

I feel so dizzy right now. not physically but mentally i feel like ive been spinning in circles. my medicine is off track, my stomach is so swollen i feel and look pregnant, and i keep getting bad pains in my head. all of this is most likely happening because my meds are off track but now i have to be checked for chromes disease.

anyways how are you? not that you can answer me i guess but you can always try. After going through all this stuff i've decided to become a psychiatrist to help people who suffer from mental disorders like me feel better. I think that will be good for me.

Im worried about my friend moody. he keeps saying hes going away next week and i wont see him again but he wont tell me where hes going. he just keeps saying ill hear about it. not very comforting. I dont know what to do though. all i know is its giving me a bad feeling thinking about it.

Mina created a giant smog from lord of the rings out of clay and is having a hell of a time glazing it.

carl is having issues with his dad. after hearing some of the things that are going on i think its time we visit again. carl only hears half the story and most of it has been proven to be a lie. Its time i have his see them again. its always a hassle to arrange but he needs it. he needs something to fall back on now that my legs are swept out from under me.

my older sister is getting married, his step mom went with my mom to get a dress for the occasion. When she told carl's dad he started crying thinking it was us getting married and he hadn't been invited to come. it was a bit of a mess until things got explained. the saddest thing is when i told carl what happened he seemed surprised that his father cared that much. I guess thats what happens when your told someone doesnt love you and its a lie.

to many people lie in the world. it makes me sick of humanity. its said humans are better than beasts because of our ability to love. I think the beast learned to love better and surpassed us on the humanity scale.

thinks just seem kind of blue of late. my anger is burned out and im not incredibly frightened but my body is still weak and i feel like my spunk leaked out of me and left the depression to run rampant. im getting a grip on it though. no place to go but up.